Deeper Than Rap

Deeper Than Rap (No Officer Ricky)

I hadn’t had the motivation to write a blog in quite some time, but when people do stupid shit I have an obligation to you all to offer my insight. Most of you are probably too young to remember any of the music that Roxanne Shante put out. Doesn’t matter, that’s not what we’re here to discuss. Let’s instead focus on how she was interviewed numerous times in magazines, blogs and even on TV about how she got Warner Bros. Music Group to put up $200,000 to fund her education since they screwed her out of her contract way back when Reagan put crack in the hood…I mean the 80’s. As Roxanne would have you believe she got her Bachelor’s from Marymount Manhattan College and had just completed her PhD from Cornell University (shout out to the Jewels). It kinda became a feel good story seeing as how the poor Black girl from the hood had won against the corporate giant and was now a doctor and a licensed psychologist. Doesn’t that just warm your heart?

After some deep investigation by the people at slate magazine it was discovered that Cornell had no records of her ever attending the school, let alone getting a degree. I don’t really think Roxanne Shante meant to lie to everybody. Remember she was somewhat of a local hood star back in the 80’s so who knows how much free basing and/or lines she snorted back then. I mean you don’t have to have PhD to be considered a doctor right? Look at Dr. Dre, but nobody ever looked into his academic history. In my personal opinion she was planning on making a comeback to the rap game and that was gonna be her new stage name. It was also later discover that she was not a licensed psychologist in the state of New York. Did anybody ever think that she was maybe the person that all of her friends and family went to when they had problems. So I figure during the interview she probably said something along the lines of “Sometimes I feel like a licensed psychologist in the state of New York.” But people tend to get nervous in interviews, so maybe she stuttered a little bit; and then everybody just took that out of context.

Last but not least, after Slate magazine contacted Marymount Manhattan College they found out that she didn’t even get her Bachelor’s degree. I know what you’re thinking: this is getting out of hand, what possible explanation is there for this lie? The school says that Roxanne attended the school for about 4 months, and then she left and never came back. Anybody ever stop to think that maybe there was an administrative error on the schools part? I know some of yall went to an HBCU, and I don’t need you to explain to me how fucked up the administrative procedures are taken care of at those schools. Maybe when she went to enroll for the next semester the school just never recorded it, but poor Roxanne was still going to classes for the next three or four years (five or six if she’s like some people that I know whose names I won’t mention). So after all these years of going to class, she felt like she had the same education as anybody else whose paperwork wasn’t messed up. She just didn’t have the physical paper to prove it.

I’m on Roxanne Shante’s side. I think these schools are just keeping her records on hold because Warner Bros. hasn’t cleared that check yet for her tuition. That’s why I’m starting a fund for her to go and get a degree with some real substance. If you would like to make a donation please email us at myshoebag@live.com. Make all checks payable to Everest College.

Questions? Comments? Did she really think nobody would check this out? Let us know what’s on your mind.

The Careys vs. Marshall Mathers

I didn’t really want to go in on this one too much because it was kinda stupid in my book. By now, most of us have heard the song “Warning” that Eminem made dissing Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. I can’t really ride with Em on this one like I usually do. I can appreciate the song for its lyricism, word play and all that other good stuff. But on some real shit, it’s kinda wack to me. And how does Eminem manage to diss The Careys and still ethers himself worse than anybody else on the track? True to Mariah’s song, dude, you do sound obsessed. It’s one thing to mention them in your song off your new album 7 years after you already had your way with her. But to save recordings of her voicemails, that I’m sure you were holding on to in hopes that something like this would happen, is just kinda crazy. But what can we expect from a drug addict, white guy who was abused as a kid, and may or may not have been sexually abused by his stepfather. Despite the fact that you are one of my favorite rappers, and you even murdered my favorite rapper on his own shit…Em, you lost on this one.

But Nick Carey, this was your chance to be the hero, but you didn’t jump at the opportunity. I don’t wanna say you went out like a pussy, but…the facts are all laid out on the table saying that you did. The most you can say after another man calls you a “fag” and puts your wife on blast to the whole world about how he banged her, is a quote from a bible verse via twitter. Pull ya skirt down, B! It’s one thing to turn the other cheek, and it’s quite another to look like a straight up bitch (Little Nicky chose the latter). Let me tell you why Mr. All That/Wildin Out should have taken every opportunity to verbally attack Marshall Mathers. If he keeps it on wax, he can’t lose. Yes, we all know that Eminem is a superior emcee and that Nick Carey is somewhere between Souljaboy and Gucci Mane. That’s exactly why he should take the chance. If he gets slaughtered in a rap battle Ja Rule style, then it’s ok because everyone expects that to happen anyway. But the biggest difference between Nick Carey and Ja Rule is that, Nick never had a rap career to risk losing. If by some chance Nick does get the upper hand in a rap battle, he might gain some respect from his wife and she won’t make him carry around her purse anymore while they go shopping.

I’m gonna give you the benefit of t the doubt here, Nicky, and say the people at NBC didn’t want the host of their most popular show to engage in a rap battle and put a muzzle on you. Because if that is what happened and you go ahead and diss Eminem anyway then you’ll probably end up getting fired. Then when you see him in the streets, he’ll get his Detroit goons to beat the living shit out of you. Now you would have lost your job and your money, Eminem still fucked your wife and told the world about it, and then he would have beat your ass for having the audacity to stand up for your wife.

The moral of the story here is that it doesn’t matter what road he takes because he still gets to sleep with Mariah Carey every night for the time being, and at the end of the day that makes him a winner in my book.

Bitches & Sisters

“Sisters get respect, bitches get what they deserve…sisters work hard, bitches work your nerves.”
-Jay-Z

These are some of the truest words ever spoken. Shout out to the big homie. I was motivated to write this post after having a few drinks with my brother, my line brother and his girl. Somewhere in the conversation my brother used the word “bitch” referring to some young lady. Then my boy’s girl got offended and said something along the lines of “why she gotta be a bitch?” Well the answer was quite simple. He called her a bitch because apparently she acted like…a bitch. In my personal opinion, he didn’t say anything wrong. Now I don’t condone calling a woman out of her name just for the sheer pleasure of it. Like if you’re out and you try to talk to a woman, and she turns you down so you turn around and call her a bitch. That’s just wrong and immature. Depending on your level of drunkenness it can be funny, but it’s still wrong nonetheless.

I’m the type of person who likes to call it like I see it. So if a woman is walking around with a bad attitude for absolutely no reason, seems to believe that the world revolves around her, and just has an overall horrible personality and an unfavorable demeanor, well then I’m not gonna feel bad for calling her exactly what she is. Not saying that there aren’t some men who are just blatantly disrespectful and are perfectly fine with that. But don’t assume that just because a man uses that word, that he’s some kind of misogynist. I believe that if a woman carries herself well and deserves respect, that’s what I will give her. Otherwise, why bother? So ladies, next time you hear a man use the word out somewhere, don’t get offended, until you know his reasoning for using it.

Another instance where one may let the dreaded B word slip out is in casual conversation when referring to a random young lady. I have a theory as to why so many men do this on a daily basis. If you are around women who continually refer to each other as “bitch,” well then eventually this will become a part of your everyday vocabulary. Soooo…it’s kinda your fault, ladies. Plus you know the old saying: “If all men are dogs, then all women are bitches”

Too far? Oh well…cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

Questions? Comments? Where my bitches at?

Get Real...Part 3

Here at MyShogBag, we touch on many different subjects, but we must say behind the humor of each subject there is a truth and seriousness. Now in this particular instance, the one thing that bothers us is the misuse of the word "Ghetto". A ghetto is a portion of a city in which the underprivileged (minorities) live due to the social, legal, or economic pressures. Hence in the English language this classifies the word "Ghetto" as a noun; a person, place, or thing. So let's get it RIGHT people.

So let’s discuss how the context of the word has been used incorrectly. One thing that grinds our gears is when people (mostly our friends with less pigment) use "ghetto" or "urban" as an adjective. We feel as though these words are just being used interchangeably with the words "black people". So let us all become enlightened. Anyone can "LIVE" in the "GHETTO". Hence, you have heard of a Jewish Ghetto, Black Ghetto, Mexican Ghetto, etc.

So the next time your hear Britney and Becky say “OH EM GEE!...That’s so ghetto,” take her ass to the real hood and let Pookie and nem show that bitch what the real definition of ghetto is.

Negro Please

For those of you who don't know who Michael Steele is, he's the first black head of the Republican National Committee. But not even Carlton Banks stooped this low for the Republican Party. When I first heard that a black man was the head of the GOP, I tried not to write it off as another Uncle Tom shucking and jiving fo’ massah. I tried to think positive; maybe this “brother” will be able to bring diversity to the group and change the way the GOP think about black people. Maybe he’ll show the younger generation that they don’t have to vote Democrat just because they are black. Damn, was I wrong about this guy. This is the house slave that told the master when the field slaves were taking a break instead of working. I didn’t even know such coonery existed on a high level like this. It’s bad enough we have the kings of all coons, Soulja Boy and Plies, lurking at every corner, but aren’t people with law degrees supposed to be smarter than them. I somewhat respected the dude for having the balls to stand up for affirmative action despite being the RNC chairman. I almost felt sorry for him when I read that, during a debate, a gang of Oreo cookies that were handed out as a snack, somehow had found their way over to his desk and had been rolled at his feet during the debate (true story). Not anymore. Not after watching this video.

http://wonkette.com/409846/michael-steele-to-woo-black-people-with-certain-food-items.

Now again, for the lazy people who don’t watch the video, I will sum this up. A blogger asks Michael Steele how he plans to get more of a diverse population in the Republican Party. He answers that he’ll just ask them to come out as they already have and continue to invite them. Some fool in the background then yells “I’ll bring the collard greens.” Instead of ignoring the dude or hitting him with a witty comeback, Steele replies, “I’ll bring the fried chicken and potato salad.” Nigga what? You disloyal, fool ass, bitch-made punk. I had to stop the video after that, so I didn’t see if he went into a tap dance rendition towards the end or not. He should be sharp enough to know when he is being ridiculed. For God’s sake he’s a black Republican. He’s probably heard more “nigger” jokes and “chitlin” jokes than anybody I’ve ever known. I’m not saying to go Ike Turner and whoop the dude’s ass, but got damn, have some kind of a backbone. Maybe if we could go back and put O-Dog and A-Wax next to him so they could gas him up to get his revenge like they did Cain in Menace II Society. “Say Mike, you akkin, like a real bitch right now.”

Somebody tell Uncle Ruckus (from the boondock’s) that this is not how you handle a heckler. If this was the 60’s he would be the only black person to bring a noose to his own hanging. Don’t want the white man to do any extra work now do we? Michael Steele, you receive the epic fail of the day. Mark ass buster!

There are very few situations in which I willingly buy a woman a drink if I’m at a bar or a club: If I came with you and/or if we are more or less cool with each other. And chances are when I buy that drink, I fully expect you to get the next round. Either that, or you’ll be drinking water while I continue to sip on this brown likka. I know what some of you are probably thinking. I’m not cheap. It’s just that I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to get you so drunk to where I’m trying to take advantage of you. So in reality, I’m being a gentleman. Matter of fact, ladies, the next time you see me out you should buy me a drink for being so considerate. Another rule I have while going out is keeping the compliments to a minimum. I know every woman likes to be complimented on her hair/dress/shoes or whatever. I might throw a subtle one over the course of a night, but that’s it. It’s not that I don’t notice the things you did to make yourself look cute, I just don’t feel like I need to tell you the same thing you’ve heard from 20 dudes already. Especially if we’re dealing with a sausage fest.

Some guys, however, will go above and beyond to get the attention of a woman. They throw a slew of overly exaggerated compliments to her throughout the night; a term commonly referred to as “gassing up.” They hover over this poor young lady the whole night; afraid to let her out of his sight for fear that she may meet someone else and have an actual conversation. Their best pick up lines include “Psst…say girl…come here” or they just go for the gusto and grab her arm. They will buy her and her friends unlimited drinks at the bar in what, I believe, is an effort to make it seem as if they have a lot of disposable income. Has anybody seen this guy in the club? Sure you have. He is what we call the resident “SIMP.” Unfortunately, this guy seems to be everywhere you look these days. And while this guy can be a hindrance to real men who actually know how to approach and have a conversation with them, he can also be a blessing in disguise. So I pose this question to you: Are simps a gift or a curse to the other real dudes out there?

Anti-Simp - This is where the simp can hurt you while out for a night. It’s actually quite simple. Let’s say you see someone who you would like to approach while out, but the simp got to her first. By displaying the characteristics above, he will very rarely let her out of his sight or out of talking distance. This will make it very difficult for you to even have enough time or space to approach. Let’s say you are able to steal a minute of her free time. The simp can sense when another, more qualified male is threatening his target of interest. He will then once again approach the young lady, this time to tell her that he has some shots waiting at the bar. But not just any shot. No, the simp has studied women long enough to know that the shot of choice at the time is the “Royal Fuck,” something that no woman aged 21-26 can resist. He’s a sly little devil. He can beat you in a variety of ways. The most common way is that he succeeds in getting the young lady tipsy enough to where she becomes either tired or belligerent. At this point, it will become an annoying task to even try to talk to her. So you cut your losses. You can’t even try talking to one of her cute friends because they all saw you trying to talk to her earlier, and we all know that no woman in history would go behind her friends back and talk to you at this point.

Pro-Simp - But sometimes these guys can be helpful to the rest of us out there. Some ladies are actually smart enough to spot them from a mile away and will openly exploit his simpness to get enough of a buzz and move on. This is what T-Pain and his BIG ASS CHAIN call “chopped and screwed.” So now that she has a slight buzz, the woman you want to approach is ready to have a grand ol time. When you are able to go up to her and talk to her like a mature adult, she will be shocked and caught off guard. The fact that your simp level is drastically low amongst sea of simps will be unbelievable. For, if there were no simps in this world, then the realness wouldn’t be such a sought out characteristic for the rest of us.

So let the debate begin. What’s the opinion of the people? Am I not being SIMPathetic enough to the means that some men need to approach women?

Maybe It's You

Black women seem to complain all the time that they can’t find a good man out there or that they can’t find anybody to compliment them. There was a point in time where I was once sympathetic for you. I mean, the brothers were crossing over to White girls something serious. They got asses now, and of course they still give out dome on the regular. So I just figured it was how Nas best described it: Black Girl Lost. But after heavy consideration, that sympathy went away. There are no less Black men available now than there were 10, 20, or 30 years ago. Some bitches just don’t know what the hell they want. Now when I use the word bitch here, don’t take it as an insult. I simply don’t know every woman’s name in the world and this is the easiest way for me to get my point across.

I was motivated for this post after reading this article here in The Root (http://www.theroot.com/views/what-single-women-can-learn-michelle?page=0,0 ), and I couldn’t agree more. Now for those of you who are too lazy to click the link and read the article, I’ll sum it up for you. It points out the fact about how Black women are searching for this perfect man with all these outstanding qualities, but even if a man has the majority of these qualities, women still find the most insignificant thing to put him down or put him into the friend zone. The article gives an example of how some see Barack Obama as this man of their dreams, but on some real shit, it calls out Barack on some of his less than appealing qualities. However, Michelle was able to look past that 20 or so years ago and locked dude down, and look what she has now. Then again, he did have a Harvard degree....hmmmm

Another example that pisses me off was on the Black People Feel Good Movie, “Daddy’s Little Girls” starring Gabrielle Union and Stringer Bell…I mean Idris Alba (He will always be Stringer to me so that is how I will refer to him throughout this example)Stringer is a hard working, honest, good-looking dude (pause) trying to raise his three daughters. He meets an uppity Negro lawyer (Gabrielle Union) and they start feeling each other. Then her fellow uppity Negro friends try to tell her that dude ain’t good enough because he’s a limo driver and has another manual labor job. Which begs the side question: since when the fuck is Levita from the “Steve Harvey Show” and Joan from “Girlfriends” a credible source of dating advice? And the worst part is they were single too. Why the hell do women love to take relationship advice from women who are either single, are in a fucked up relationship themselves, or one who has been in very, very many relationships? If you have a friend who has been in a ton of relationships, it does not mean that he or she is fit to give advice; it simply means that they suck at relationships….that’s why they can’t keep one going.

The point here is for Black women out there to stop using excuses for not being able to find a good man. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have standards, but if you continue to hold every man you meet to impossible standards then, yes, it will be impossible for you to meet your Prince Charming. I’m sorry if I don’t fit your laundry list of qualifications, but don’t get mad when you don’t fit mine either. You want someone tall, dark, and muscular? That’s great, but that ain’t me. So don’t get mad when my list says I want a woman who is light-skinded, slender, with long hair. Don’t say you want a nice guy, but then give a dude the axe after the first date and say “he’s just too nice”? Didn’t you say you wanted a nice dude, or would you rather me put my foot up your ass before we order appetizers? You say you want a man to be aggressive, but if he tries to get some ass sooner than you would like to give it up your excuse is “I ain’t no hoe.”

If and when yall get your shit together, then maybe more Black men will get their shit together. Until then, be prepared to be the old single broad in the club. On second thought, I wouldn’t mind taking a cougar home from the club. In that case, forget everything I just said. Keep doing what you do.