Monday, February 28, 2011
Kanye @ SXSW 2011?
Rumors are circulating that Kanye West will be making an appearance in Austin, TX at SXSW this year playing at the Vevo Power Station at midnight. The video below is what has caused all the speculation, as you can hear the opening notes to Kanye's hit "Runaway" as the video ends.
Charlie and Cocaine Factory
If there’s one thing we appreciate here at the ShoeBag, it’s someone who speaks their mind no matter what. If you’ve yet to see Charlie Sheen’s interview on the Today show, do it NOW. Maybe we all forgot how off the rocker Charlie Sheen could be at any given moment. How we forgot this, I’m not really sure, but I doubt anyone will ever forget about it anymore. And it only reaffirms my desire to party with this guy. Just for one night. We don’t even have to bring the briefcases of coke or hookers, although if he did I doubt I’d be able to say no. It’s Charlie Sheen. For the most part, the interview made me laugh. Not like I laugh at his tv show, which is hilarious, but kinda how you laugh when someone falls off of their bike. The hilarity doesn’t subside, but you’re thinking “I really hope that guy is alright. Someone should get him some help.” Other parts of the interview, I wasn’t laughing so much. I more or less stared blankly at my screen wondering aloud if he was able to say what he just said. Like when he said Alcoholics Anonymous was developed by a broken down fool and that it was for normal people, who aren’t special or have tiger blood in their veins…or Adonis DNA (he said that with a straight face, which actually made it a lot funnier). He went on to say that people who relapse or fall off the wagon are “fools. Trolls. Weak. Defeated” (not as funny, but wow!). The funniest part may be that he was trying to convince us the whole time that he was sober. And maybe he was. Because according to Charlie Sheen, you can’t process him with a normal brain. And ff you haven’t heard by now, Charlie Sheen is a rock star…from Mars? Yup, that’s what he said.
I don’t really care to debate whether he’s right or wrong for saying what he said. The guy feels as if he was wronged by the creators of the show and he’s standing up for what he wants. Amidst all of the psychological stress that he was put through, it’s good to know that someone out there believes in himself as much as Charlie Sheen does. Some might call him the modern day Che Guevera. I wouldn’t, but somebody out there might. One thing I think we can all agree on is that we’ve all wanted to cuss our bosses at one point or another so I can’t really be mad at him for calling the guy out. One thing that’s not up for debate, however, is the fact that Charlie Sheen is about as real as it gets. Charlie Sheen has more heart than your favorite rapper or politician could ever dream of having. Minus the hookers, porn stars, atheism, drugs and alcohol use, physical, mental, and/or verbal abuse against damn near every woman he’s been with, his general outlook on most everything, and what seems to be a slight case of paranoia, he’s a guy that you can look at and say, “That’s what I want my kids to be; someone who speaks his mind and stands up for himself.” And if you don’t feel that way, then you owe Charlie Sheen an apology. A big one. While licking his feet? Yup, that’s what he said.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Breaking News 2-25-2011
Los Angeles – In recent light of photo shoot involving Beyonce’ Knowles wearing makeup to in order to darken her skin complexion in a recent photo shoot, reports have surfaced of a major backlash towards teen pop sensation Justin Bieber for appearing in “whiteface” on a recent cover for People Magazine. Knowles cited her decision to pose for her “blackface” photos as a tribute to Nigerian musician and philanthropist Fela Kuti. Knowles’ husband, rapper Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter, is also a producer for the Broadway show Fela, which chronicles the life of Kuti. When asked why he chose to do his feature in white face, Beiber was quoted as saying, “I just wanted to, like, pay homage to many of the pop acts that, you know, like, blazed the trail and had way more screaming teenage girls, just like, throw themselves at their feet than I’ll probably ever dream of (smiley face). Like, The New Kids on the Block and Timberlake’s of the world. If I can just, like, live up to a fraction of what they did…with the shadow that they cast on the pop world, then I’ll be ok with that.”
Bieber has, however, received many critics for his actions. Legendary civil rights leader Jesse Jackson said of the young pop star’s recent photos, “Just because he’s white, don’t make it right.”
Republican, Tea Party member Glenn Beck cited other historical occasions where whiteface was used; most notoriously by the late king of pop, Michael Jackson. “It was reverse racism when he did it, and for kids to see a role model such as Beiber disgracing his race by partaking in an act that nigg…er…blacks have used for years to make themselves look better…it’s just unacceptable. If it’s so cool to be black, as they claim, then why try to be like us?” Beck declined to comment further on the incident stating that it would just add more incentive for “those n***er loving, leftists” to call him a racist bigot.
Bieber has, however, received many critics for his actions. Legendary civil rights leader Jesse Jackson said of the young pop star’s recent photos, “Just because he’s white, don’t make it right.”
Republican, Tea Party member Glenn Beck cited other historical occasions where whiteface was used; most notoriously by the late king of pop, Michael Jackson. “It was reverse racism when he did it, and for kids to see a role model such as Beiber disgracing his race by partaking in an act that nigg…er…blacks have used for years to make themselves look better…it’s just unacceptable. If it’s so cool to be black, as they claim, then why try to be like us?” Beck declined to comment further on the incident stating that it would just add more incentive for “those n***er loving, leftists” to call him a racist bigot.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Rules of Engagement
Over the next 6 or 7 months I have two good friends and a brother getting married. While I’m happy for them having found someone to spend forever with, there’s still a selfish part of me that wishes they were able to continue running the streets and chase women. We all knew Whitey would be the first member of the Phab Phive to take the plunge. And it was only a matter of time before my brother broke down and sold out…I mean proposed. It’s all good though. The young women they’ve chosen to spend forever with (that’s a long time) are seemingly pretty cool. The best thing about this is that I also have numerous bachelor parties and wedding receptions to go to. As a single man, it’s the only reason why weddings are even important if you ask me. Out of respect for their relationships I won’t divulge into the details of debauchery that I plan on partaking in at these bachelor parties. As far as the wedding receptions go, every man has visions of his nights ending up like the first 30 minutes of “Wedding Crashers.” It probably won’t end up that way, but it’s not gonna stop me from getting slightly inebriated and hitting on random women. That includes the caterers.
But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. It’s more about the whole idea of engaging in engagement. Do you guys remember the episode of “Martin” when he kept telling Gina about the cost of the engagement ring he bought her until she finally wrote him a thank you card? A lot of people probably thought that was ridiculous. Not me. In fact, I think Martin should have gotten a lot more out of the deal. After each of my friends/brother told me that he was engaged and their new fiancés were showing off their pretty new jewelry, I had to ask each of the women, “Well, what did you get him?” Surprisingly enough, they all gave me the exact same answer: “He gets me…forever.” If this were a sitcom, the studio audience would now go AWWWWW. Don’t get me wrong; that’s really cute. I mean that sincerely, but it’s just not enough. Now I don’t know the exact cost of an engagement ring because I don’t expect to be buying one for quite a while. But I did do some research and I found out that some people think it’s appropriate to drop 3 months’ salary on a ring. HA! Knock it off. I then consulted Google and they told me that the average engagement ring in the US will run somewhere in the range of $3500 - $5000. I guess that’s ok.
Now here is the problem, women have come to the conclusion that it’s perfectly ok to accept these ridiculously expensive gifts and give nothing else in return. At least nothing of physical value. And I told each of these ladies that are soon to be married to my good friends and brother that if they truly loved the men in their lives, they owe him something in return. I can’t put the blame solely on the women, however. Had they let these women know beforehand that they expect their grand gesture of proposing WITH a ring to be reciprocated with something for himself, they wouldn’t be where they are now, which is losing in the relationship. Because while you do indeed get her forever, she also gets you forever…plus a nice expensive ring. Lou. Zing.
My proposal is to get tickets to the man’s choice of sporting event. Is this not a fair trade? I would say so. This is why I’m offering full disclosure now, and will do so with any woman who is lucky enough to sweep me off of my feet and get a ring out of me. Whenever the Bulls have a home stretch (3 or 4 games), I want GOOD seats to each game with air fare to and from Chicago with accommodations in at least a 3 star hotel along with some spending cash because there’s a huge Nike store in town as well. If she gets a ring, this is what I want. There is no negotiating this.
But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. It’s more about the whole idea of engaging in engagement. Do you guys remember the episode of “Martin” when he kept telling Gina about the cost of the engagement ring he bought her until she finally wrote him a thank you card? A lot of people probably thought that was ridiculous. Not me. In fact, I think Martin should have gotten a lot more out of the deal. After each of my friends/brother told me that he was engaged and their new fiancés were showing off their pretty new jewelry, I had to ask each of the women, “Well, what did you get him?” Surprisingly enough, they all gave me the exact same answer: “He gets me…forever.” If this were a sitcom, the studio audience would now go AWWWWW. Don’t get me wrong; that’s really cute. I mean that sincerely, but it’s just not enough. Now I don’t know the exact cost of an engagement ring because I don’t expect to be buying one for quite a while. But I did do some research and I found out that some people think it’s appropriate to drop 3 months’ salary on a ring. HA! Knock it off. I then consulted Google and they told me that the average engagement ring in the US will run somewhere in the range of $3500 - $5000. I guess that’s ok.
Now here is the problem, women have come to the conclusion that it’s perfectly ok to accept these ridiculously expensive gifts and give nothing else in return. At least nothing of physical value. And I told each of these ladies that are soon to be married to my good friends and brother that if they truly loved the men in their lives, they owe him something in return. I can’t put the blame solely on the women, however. Had they let these women know beforehand that they expect their grand gesture of proposing WITH a ring to be reciprocated with something for himself, they wouldn’t be where they are now, which is losing in the relationship. Because while you do indeed get her forever, she also gets you forever…plus a nice expensive ring. Lou. Zing.
My proposal is to get tickets to the man’s choice of sporting event. Is this not a fair trade? I would say so. This is why I’m offering full disclosure now, and will do so with any woman who is lucky enough to sweep me off of my feet and get a ring out of me. Whenever the Bulls have a home stretch (3 or 4 games), I want GOOD seats to each game with air fare to and from Chicago with accommodations in at least a 3 star hotel along with some spending cash because there’s a huge Nike store in town as well. If she gets a ring, this is what I want. There is no negotiating this.
Happy Birthday Mike
I couldn't let today go by without showing some love to the best to ever do it. I'm wearing Bulls gear and Air Jordans all day today...the VI's of course.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
She's Back
So after reading the piece where I gave my little brother some advice, MeMe decided to retort with a man bashing piece. I was gonna go with a different title but she started popping off at the mouth over bbm and well...the HoH movement just won't allow that. Either way, these are her words not mine....
“5 Things I Hate about You Too: 5 Things All Guys Do That I Can’t Stand”
The last we met, I divulged 5 things that “all girls do” that I can’t stand. Well, since I’m an equal opportunity asshole, I wanted to balance that with 5 things that “all guys do” that I can’t stand. The premise here is the same as the last time with the same caveat for the numerous guys out there who don’t actually do any of these things. With that being said….
1. Watch SportsCenter. ALL. DAY. LONG.
Look, my dude, you like sports. I get it. But dun sun, you do realize that they’re showing the same shit over and over right??? Like, it’s the EXACT same SportsCenter ALL DAY. They update that ish like 3 times a day and show the update 247 times until the NEXT update. Please stop acting like you can’t tear your arse from the couch to come pick me up or let me watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta in between one of a gajillion and 9 showings of this same episode!! (Insert Jamie Foxx bitchilism here)
2. Become a Total Emotional Retard
I don’t know if it’s because you guys aren’t used to dealing with emotions very much or what, but any display of strong emotion by a female tends to turn y’all into complete and total emotional retards. Before you say this isn’t true, I offer every Daddy’s girl’s Exhibit A: CRYING. My dad spanked me ONCE in my life and I felt so betrayed all I could do was cry silently in my Granny’s lap. Cue my dad for more waterworks. Once he re-emerged from the bathroom, eyes glistening and red-rimmed, he spent a week buying me candy and spending large amounts of time at McDonald’s. As I’ve gotten older, I still know crying is the way to my dad’s heart (or wallet). I don’t like overly emo situations/people either, but I still know how to cope. For some reason y’all go slack jawed and vacant eyed. It’s actually kinda funny…but still irritating. My favorites are the dudes in relationships with girls they don’t want to be with. The ones who try to breakup with their girl but can never get it to stick because she starts crying, throwing ish, or threatening bodily harm. All over the top emotions and instead of dealing with them, these guys crumble like cottage cheese (eeeeeeeewwww).
3. Say You Don’t Like Girls In Weave or Makeup…
…then ONLY TALK TO GIRLS WITH TONS OF WEAVE AND MAKEUP. You can’t see that thick ass layer of M.A.C. C5 on her face or notice those two-and-a-half packs of 14 inch Indian remy 1B?!?!? The irony of the mass appeal of this sentiment is even stronger when compared to the women men seem to talk to. I feel like my best friend’s fiancé summed up the appropriate response to this issue: “Babe, I’ve loved you from the day we met. Whatever you were doing THAT day, keep doing it.” As long as she looks good, why does that ish matter?? Whether she’s 18 inches wet and wavy or with her normal straight bob, it doesn’t matter. Love is blind or whatever so you should be more concerned with whether her personality is real than whether her hair is. Make up is meant to enhance natural features so if she wants to play up her eyes with smokey eyeshadow or emphasize luscious lips with colored lipstick, as long as she looks good, it really is irrelevant.
4. Expect Forgiveness Without Being Willing to Give It.
This one is a little more serious than the previous ones and I even tweeted this the other day* and got a ton of responses. Apparently I’m not the only one who’s noticed that mean are very quick to expect a female to forgive them their transgressions, but are usually fundamentally opposed to extending the same clemency to a female. The easiest example is cheating. A dude cheats on his girl and expects her to stay with him and work it out or let him get it out of his system or whatever. If same female cheats on same male, it’s the ultimate betrayal and most unforgivable of crimes. And that, my friends, is f*ckin ridiculous.
5. Act Like Valentine’s Day is the Worst Thing Ever
Seriously dude, if you put as much thought into your high school classes as you put in finding reasons to denounce, demean, and completely reject Valentine’s Day, you’d be friggin Steve Jobs. Yea, that didn’t make sense but NEITHER DO YOU! Valentine’s Day is pretty much a free pass for some real certified kinkiness! Quit your bellyaching, come off some flowers and a nice bottle of wine and let the good time roll! No but for real. I personally don’t care about Valentine’s Day; I don’t like most traditional jewelry, I like to keep fresh flowers around my spot anyway, and I prefer Swedish Fish to chocolates. That’s just me though. If you get a girl and you know Valentine’s Day is important to her, whether you agree or not, I feel like as a good partner, you should acknowledge this in some way. I don’t care about most people’s birthday but I still acknowledge the day because it’s special to them and, if they’re special to me, it deserves recognition. That’s like the rule of transitive equality or something*.
*I really am on Twitter. Follow @supermeece for more profanity, rants, and piss poor math.
*I completely and totally made this up.
“5 Things I Hate about You Too: 5 Things All Guys Do That I Can’t Stand”
The last we met, I divulged 5 things that “all girls do” that I can’t stand. Well, since I’m an equal opportunity asshole, I wanted to balance that with 5 things that “all guys do” that I can’t stand. The premise here is the same as the last time with the same caveat for the numerous guys out there who don’t actually do any of these things. With that being said….
1. Watch SportsCenter. ALL. DAY. LONG.
Look, my dude, you like sports. I get it. But dun sun, you do realize that they’re showing the same shit over and over right??? Like, it’s the EXACT same SportsCenter ALL DAY. They update that ish like 3 times a day and show the update 247 times until the NEXT update. Please stop acting like you can’t tear your arse from the couch to come pick me up or let me watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta in between one of a gajillion and 9 showings of this same episode!! (Insert Jamie Foxx bitchilism here)
2. Become a Total Emotional Retard
I don’t know if it’s because you guys aren’t used to dealing with emotions very much or what, but any display of strong emotion by a female tends to turn y’all into complete and total emotional retards. Before you say this isn’t true, I offer every Daddy’s girl’s Exhibit A: CRYING. My dad spanked me ONCE in my life and I felt so betrayed all I could do was cry silently in my Granny’s lap. Cue my dad for more waterworks. Once he re-emerged from the bathroom, eyes glistening and red-rimmed, he spent a week buying me candy and spending large amounts of time at McDonald’s. As I’ve gotten older, I still know crying is the way to my dad’s heart (or wallet). I don’t like overly emo situations/people either, but I still know how to cope. For some reason y’all go slack jawed and vacant eyed. It’s actually kinda funny…but still irritating. My favorites are the dudes in relationships with girls they don’t want to be with. The ones who try to breakup with their girl but can never get it to stick because she starts crying, throwing ish, or threatening bodily harm. All over the top emotions and instead of dealing with them, these guys crumble like cottage cheese (eeeeeeeewwww).
3. Say You Don’t Like Girls In Weave or Makeup…
…then ONLY TALK TO GIRLS WITH TONS OF WEAVE AND MAKEUP. You can’t see that thick ass layer of M.A.C. C5 on her face or notice those two-and-a-half packs of 14 inch Indian remy 1B?!?!? The irony of the mass appeal of this sentiment is even stronger when compared to the women men seem to talk to. I feel like my best friend’s fiancé summed up the appropriate response to this issue: “Babe, I’ve loved you from the day we met. Whatever you were doing THAT day, keep doing it.” As long as she looks good, why does that ish matter?? Whether she’s 18 inches wet and wavy or with her normal straight bob, it doesn’t matter. Love is blind or whatever so you should be more concerned with whether her personality is real than whether her hair is. Make up is meant to enhance natural features so if she wants to play up her eyes with smokey eyeshadow or emphasize luscious lips with colored lipstick, as long as she looks good, it really is irrelevant.
4. Expect Forgiveness Without Being Willing to Give It.
This one is a little more serious than the previous ones and I even tweeted this the other day* and got a ton of responses. Apparently I’m not the only one who’s noticed that mean are very quick to expect a female to forgive them their transgressions, but are usually fundamentally opposed to extending the same clemency to a female. The easiest example is cheating. A dude cheats on his girl and expects her to stay with him and work it out or let him get it out of his system or whatever. If same female cheats on same male, it’s the ultimate betrayal and most unforgivable of crimes. And that, my friends, is f*ckin ridiculous.
5. Act Like Valentine’s Day is the Worst Thing Ever
Seriously dude, if you put as much thought into your high school classes as you put in finding reasons to denounce, demean, and completely reject Valentine’s Day, you’d be friggin Steve Jobs. Yea, that didn’t make sense but NEITHER DO YOU! Valentine’s Day is pretty much a free pass for some real certified kinkiness! Quit your bellyaching, come off some flowers and a nice bottle of wine and let the good time roll! No but for real. I personally don’t care about Valentine’s Day; I don’t like most traditional jewelry, I like to keep fresh flowers around my spot anyway, and I prefer Swedish Fish to chocolates. That’s just me though. If you get a girl and you know Valentine’s Day is important to her, whether you agree or not, I feel like as a good partner, you should acknowledge this in some way. I don’t care about most people’s birthday but I still acknowledge the day because it’s special to them and, if they’re special to me, it deserves recognition. That’s like the rule of transitive equality or something*.
*I really am on Twitter. Follow @supermeece for more profanity, rants, and piss poor math.
*I completely and totally made this up.
Friday, February 11, 2011
THE GOAT
Earlier today while I was in the gym keeping my skinny-ness toned and sculptured, I was distracted by a tweet that came in on my phone. It had something to do with snow leopards. Either way, right below on my timeline was a discussion between two good friends of mine talking about how championships separate great players from elite players (for example, Malone/Barkley = great. Magic/Bird = Elite). One friend then made the argument that Bill Russell may indeed be the greatest player ever because of his mass amount of rings. Well, of course I had to chime in. Now before we go any further, let me just say that I am a certified, beyond a shadow of a doubt Michael Jordan stan. A stan goes beyond your everyday fanhood. With that said, I offer my sincerest apologies for anyone who may find this piece to be a little biased.
In my professional opinion, Michael Jordan is THE aboslute greatest player to ever put on an NBA uniform (along with some of the greatest sneakers as well). The argument for some other players is entertaining, but let’s be real about the situation. Mike sits at the throne alone. Some try to argue Kobe. If any of you saw the comparison between the two over the course of the same amount of career games, then we all know that argument is now null and void. The awards, the numbers, and the accolades just don’t add up in Kobe’s favor. Not taking anything away from Kobe; he’s the closest thing on the court I’ve seen to Mike. He’s got a much better long range shot, and when he wants to get to the hole, he gets to the hole. Just ask any white girl in Colorado.
Some will say Bill Russell. It’s hard to argue with 11 championships. I will give Bill Russell the title of greatest on court leader. But greatest player ever? Nah, can’t do it. Just talking from a skill wise and talent perspective, Wilt Chamberlain was killing Bill Russell in head to head comparisons pretty much every time they played. I realize that Bill Russell’s teams won most of those games (he did play alongside about 30 hall of famers), but my point is that nobody ever dominated Mike on a routine basis like that.
And then there’s the case for Magic. The most entertaining case of them all. He is the definition of a team player. He could play all five positions. He could pretty much put the ball anywhere on the court that he wanted to. He’s got the championships and the numbers to put up a good fight with Mike. The most compelling argument that Magic Johnson fans will make is that he started winning as soon as he came into the league. True enough. It’s should also be noted that he came in playing with Kareem, and was soon joined by other Hall of Fame players. Michael Jordan’s best teammates for a while were Charles Oakley and Craig Hodges. Even when he got Pippen, Grant, and Phil, it took them a few years to get fully developed before they started winning. But once they did, it was a wrap for the rest of the league. Even if Magic’s career was cut short because he couldn’t keep his d*ck in his pants, does anybody out there really believe he would’ve beaten Mike in a finals rematch? No, I didn’t think so. You’ll have people say that Mike never played against other elite players like Bird or Isaiah Thomas. Well if Barkley, Malone, Ewing, Payton, Stockton, etc could’ve beaten Mike then maybe they would be considered elite. But they couldn’t, so they’re not. The fact of the matter is, Magic just didn’t have a kill switch where he could take over the game and completely destroy the other team on both ends of the floor like Mike. Not saying he couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t do it better and more consistently than Mike. If Lebron ever gets one of those kill switches, we may have to revisit this argument in another ten years or so.
You know what really sets Mike apart from every other player to ever play the game? Every single time he stepped on the court, we expected him to win. In his last six seasons (with the Bulls of course), was there ever a doubt as to who would win the championship? Find me another player who could take over the league like that and we’ll talk. Until then, let’s put the argument to rest. Michael Jordan is and continues to be the greatest player in NBA history. I won’t even bring up about how much he changed the game (for better and worse), and made the NBA the global business that it is now, and how there will never be another athlete who will have an impact on pop culture like he did because I could go all day with this stuff. On that note, I’d like to say GO BULLS…D ROSE FOR MVP!!!
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