Thanks, but no thanks

I was watching an episode of the show “The Game” the other day. You know the one where the white chick is teaching the other two light skinded ones how to pole dance for their respective mens’. Then I started seeing all these commercials for something called “Flirty Girl Fitness” or some variation of that where women who all wear a size 0 do some hip thrusts and a few weak ass lap dances on top of an empty chair and claim it can get you in shape and keep you fit. Yeah, probably if you’re already a size 0. Tell Mo’nique and Precious big asses to get up there, and if they lose a significant amount of weight, I’ll believe it; otherwise, I ain’t buying it. Come to find out there are thousands of women all across the country who take these pole dancing classes, claiming to do it so that they can spice things up in the bedroom and whatnot. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll pass. It’s not that I have anything against getting a lap/pole dance from my lady, it’s just that there’s absolutely no reason for you to take these classes. Personally, I’m not much of a strip club kinda guy anyway, although I do enjoy the visuals . I’ll never be the one who says, “hey let’s hit the strip club” whenever I’m chilling with my boys trying to find something to do later that night. It just never made sense to me to go somewhere and pay a woman to dance for me, give me an erection, and leave me out to dry. And if I happen to be in a classy establishment such as Harlem Knights, where I can get some in exchange for an undisclosed amount, I’m a strong advocate against direct monetary transactions for sex. So at the end of the day it’s pointless to me. But if do happen to end up there anyway, I still notice that some of the moves that some of these skrippers are able to perform cannot be taught in one class that lasts an hour, and is taught by a 45 yr old ex-burlesque show girl. Some of these hoes are really talented. I mean, let’s be real about this people. One class? Do you really think that’s all you need to perform to the best of your ability? You can’t go to class for the first day of the semester and not show up again until finals and expect to pass. It doesn’t work that way. Another reason why this practice has no real benefit to anyone is because there’s nowhere to utilize the skills outside of a strip club. Who in the hell has a pole in their house/apartment? Seriously ladies, where exactly are you gonna perform some of these moves for your man? So if there are any ladies who are wasting time and money on these classes please stop. I’d much rather you buy me a pair of shoes or a watch than to see you bust your ass trying to climb a pole. Now if you can take a class that teaches you how to dance like one of them girls in the “Tip Drill” video, then that’s something we can discuss.

One last rant before I check out of here. Remember the scene in the movie “Old School” where they have all the wives learning how to give phenomenal fellatio (I made that one up)? Turns out these off the dome sessions exist as well. Now this is something that ladies can put to good use for their man, considering the fact that they don’t need a large metal prop to do so. But just like pole dancing, it’s a waste of time and/or money. Think about it; why would I want another woman teaching my girl how to give me head? Especially if I’m not around to be used in tutorials. I think I’d much rather teach her to do what I like on my own. Who knows what I like better than me, right? And she won’t have to worry if she doesn’t get it right the first time…we can keep practicing until she gets it right.