We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this vital PSA from My Shoe Bag. There has been another epidemic that has been running rampant particularly in the Hispanic and African American communities, or what sociologists like to refer to as “urban” or “inner-city”. What’s going on? Venting. Yes, this is when someone decides to put custom vents on the side of their vehicle. To all people who have been found guilty of this crime, please remove your vents immediately. And if you were contemplating the idea of possibly adding these vents to your vehicle, please refrain from doing so. It does not make your car look more aerodynamic, nor does it make you look cool. It makes you look quite the opposite in fact. If your car was not manufactured with these vents in place (i.e. GM vehicles made after 2006), there is absolutely no reason to have them. I promise you, your pussy rate will not increase if you add them onto your ’93 Mazda Protégé. Trust me. I had one. When Pimp C said, “They wanna fuck my car” this was not intended in referencing the aforementioned automobile. As if writing “Ramirez” on your back windshield didn’t already devalue your pickup truck already, adding these vents will further decrease the resale value if/when you ever decide to upgrade. Hopefully this will not continue to spread and all late eighties to early nineties model GM vehicles that seem to be so popular in the hood can be salvaged.
We now return to your regularly scheduled broadcasting.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Snap Out of It: Part 2
In this week’s installment of “Snap Out of It”, we want to address another issue that has been a thorn in our sides for quite some time, the infamous skinny jeans. This is directed towards you men…you grown ass men out there who wish to wear these particular garments. How is this shit even cool? That’s not a rhetorical question. Can someone please answer this for me? Is it because Kanye and Lil Wayne made it popular? Before you go and copy everything these two do, take note that Kanye West was just rockin a shag that was about 2 weeks away from looking like Randy Watson. And Wayne…well he does kiss men, and is a drugged out supposed syrup-head. Are you guys just fans of the whole hipster rap movement (i.e. The Cool Kids, Charles Hamilton, Kidz in the Hall)? It doesn’t matter. There is no excuse whatsoever to rock a pair of pants that fuckin tight. Nobody wants to see your camel tail. You and your girl shouldn’t be having arguments because you can’t figure out whose jeans belong to who. The following conversation should never happen:
Your Boy: Yo man, why did you and your girl break up?
You: Man, she kept wearing my jeans. That bitch know she a size 4, and I’m a size 6
I like to consider myself as someone with a good amount of fashion sense, and it’s generally not in my nature to knock another man’s sense of style, unless you’re just trying too hard (you all know who you are). But this is a drastic situation. I’m certainly not saying that wearing extra baggy clothes is much better. We definitely don’t need to bring Jnco’s back, but you can’t convince me that these jeans are comfortable. It’s gonna be a sad day when you make a sudden movement and you bust one of your nuts. I don’t mean that in a good way. Consider yourself warned.
Your Boy: Yo man, why did you and your girl break up?
You: Man, she kept wearing my jeans. That bitch know she a size 4, and I’m a size 6
I like to consider myself as someone with a good amount of fashion sense, and it’s generally not in my nature to knock another man’s sense of style, unless you’re just trying too hard (you all know who you are). But this is a drastic situation. I’m certainly not saying that wearing extra baggy clothes is much better. We definitely don’t need to bring Jnco’s back, but you can’t convince me that these jeans are comfortable. It’s gonna be a sad day when you make a sudden movement and you bust one of your nuts. I don’t mean that in a good way. Consider yourself warned.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Thug Life???
“There is no such thing as a thug in college”
First of all, I gotta shout out to the homie V-Mac for coining the title of this blog post. We here at MyShoeBag are all college graduates. I know that’s hard to believe for some, but it’s true. That being said, we have always wondered why members of certain groups (ahem, middle to upper-class black guys) go out of their way to portray a “street” or “thug” persona while in college. Stop that shit….now. There’s no such thing as a thug in college. Seriously.
We don’t give a shit what hood you’re from (subdivision), how poor (middle-class) you were growing up, or what set (dance crew) you claim. You are in college. You go to BIO 1401 lab. You eat at a dining hall. You live in a dorm. I bet you even had to recite some shitty poem you wrote for a creative writing course, and you probably tried to rap it. Poorly.
But what’s even more intriguing is the fact that most “thugs” in college sure seem to come from pretty stable backgrounds complete with two-story homes, backyard pools, and loving parents; a stable upbringing in Suburbia, USA. However, some members of “certain groups” seem to feel the need to create a brand-new personality filled with Z-Ro, stunna shades, incorrect grammar, and a reeeaallllyy loud bark with no bite. But, when shit pops off, they are nowhere to be found. You didn’t even see what was going on, right? Damn, you had no idea they were talking to YOU, right?
Here’s the thing, all you wannabe d-boys. Real thugs would never be in college (except for Stringer Bell). Real thugs don’t give a shit about the future and only think from one day to the next. If crack still sells, guns still provide protection, and the weed is still sticky, thugs will stay in the ‘hood. If you have ever attended a floor meeting in a college dorm or some other pointless ass college activity, you care about your future. Thugs don’t have time for all that because that means they are ultimately wasting time; and we all know that time is money. The only thing a thug sees in college is 40,000 students, most of whom likely smoke weed. Granted, there probably are former thugs in college, but if they were lucky enough to escape their past, they sure as hell aren’t busy glorifying it.
Moral of the story: Be yourself. Be proud of your suburban background. Wear what you wore to high school and don’t all of a sudden find a drawl on steroids or a closet full of tall tees. Be proud of the boring ass upbringing you had. Some people would kill for that shit.
And one last reason why you shouldn’t play the thug role in college is because you will get your card pulled at some point. Trust me. We’ve seen it happen. It ain’t pretty. And plus, the College Republicans always need that one black guy anyway. Go for it.
First of all, I gotta shout out to the homie V-Mac for coining the title of this blog post. We here at MyShoeBag are all college graduates. I know that’s hard to believe for some, but it’s true. That being said, we have always wondered why members of certain groups (ahem, middle to upper-class black guys) go out of their way to portray a “street” or “thug” persona while in college. Stop that shit….now. There’s no such thing as a thug in college. Seriously.
We don’t give a shit what hood you’re from (subdivision), how poor (middle-class) you were growing up, or what set (dance crew) you claim. You are in college. You go to BIO 1401 lab. You eat at a dining hall. You live in a dorm. I bet you even had to recite some shitty poem you wrote for a creative writing course, and you probably tried to rap it. Poorly.
But what’s even more intriguing is the fact that most “thugs” in college sure seem to come from pretty stable backgrounds complete with two-story homes, backyard pools, and loving parents; a stable upbringing in Suburbia, USA. However, some members of “certain groups” seem to feel the need to create a brand-new personality filled with Z-Ro, stunna shades, incorrect grammar, and a reeeaallllyy loud bark with no bite. But, when shit pops off, they are nowhere to be found. You didn’t even see what was going on, right? Damn, you had no idea they were talking to YOU, right?
Here’s the thing, all you wannabe d-boys. Real thugs would never be in college (except for Stringer Bell). Real thugs don’t give a shit about the future and only think from one day to the next. If crack still sells, guns still provide protection, and the weed is still sticky, thugs will stay in the ‘hood. If you have ever attended a floor meeting in a college dorm or some other pointless ass college activity, you care about your future. Thugs don’t have time for all that because that means they are ultimately wasting time; and we all know that time is money. The only thing a thug sees in college is 40,000 students, most of whom likely smoke weed. Granted, there probably are former thugs in college, but if they were lucky enough to escape their past, they sure as hell aren’t busy glorifying it.
Moral of the story: Be yourself. Be proud of your suburban background. Wear what you wore to high school and don’t all of a sudden find a drawl on steroids or a closet full of tall tees. Be proud of the boring ass upbringing you had. Some people would kill for that shit.
And one last reason why you shouldn’t play the thug role in college is because you will get your card pulled at some point. Trust me. We’ve seen it happen. It ain’t pretty. And plus, the College Republicans always need that one black guy anyway. Go for it.
Watch Ya Mouf
True story. Some kid in L.A. is trying to implement a no cursing week. McKay Hatch is a 15 year old in Pasadena, CA who contacted the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors about some club he started that is dedicated to not using any curse words, and these assholes actually approved it. So for the first week in March, they have issued a proclamation of no swearing. Well, I only have one thing to say about this: Get the FUCK outta here. Is he supposed to get applauded for not doing something that most parents have told their kids not to do for countless generations? I’m reading on Yahoo! right now that this young man just wanted to bring “awareness” to the situation, and for everyone to “be respectful of one another,” as if I’m not aware of the fact that I cuss all the fuckin time, anyway. This can only mean one thing. This kid has to be a genius. Before we get into that though, let’s first take time to say thank you to L.A. County for focusing on this grave issue that is affecting the educational system. Who gives a shit if kids can’t read, as long as they’re not cursing, right? And another thing – I’m tired of fucking “awareness” movements. I’m aware there’s a lot of fucked up shit in the world, but making people more “aware” doesn’t do jack ass shit to fix any problems. From now on, “awareness” means “look at me, I want attention for being a pretentious do-nothing tool”.
But back to the lesson at hand (shout out to Snoop)…
But, like I say, maybe this kid is a genius ahead of his time. Think about it, he is getting national attention for this. So that probably means he is chopping down all of the promiscuous freshmen that walk the halls of his school, even a few less attractive upper classmen. Ehhh, but then again, the article also states that he spent a lot of time forming a “No Cussing Club” complete with t-shirts, a website and a hip hop theme song. (Stifling laughter) Sorry about that. On second thought maybe this guy is just another virgin whose nuts haven’t descended enough for him to actually be interested in girls yet. Yeah, I was a virgin at 15 too, but that didn’t stop me from trying to plow pretty much every girl that walked past me. At least his club and his website have generated 20,000 followers to keep his attention. This increases the odds that one of those followers will be an attractive young lady (who has yet to realize her potential) and McKay Hatch can blast off a few knuckle children to her profile pictures. Just be careful to aim away from the computer. Once you get man milk in between the keys of your keyboard, it don’t come out…..so I’ve heard.
Now, I have to go warn a few of my friends out on the left coast that they can’t curse this week. Does that mean they can’t watch any Samuel L. Jackson movies this week, either?
But back to the lesson at hand (shout out to Snoop)…
But, like I say, maybe this kid is a genius ahead of his time. Think about it, he is getting national attention for this. So that probably means he is chopping down all of the promiscuous freshmen that walk the halls of his school, even a few less attractive upper classmen. Ehhh, but then again, the article also states that he spent a lot of time forming a “No Cussing Club” complete with t-shirts, a website and a hip hop theme song. (Stifling laughter) Sorry about that. On second thought maybe this guy is just another virgin whose nuts haven’t descended enough for him to actually be interested in girls yet. Yeah, I was a virgin at 15 too, but that didn’t stop me from trying to plow pretty much every girl that walked past me. At least his club and his website have generated 20,000 followers to keep his attention. This increases the odds that one of those followers will be an attractive young lady (who has yet to realize her potential) and McKay Hatch can blast off a few knuckle children to her profile pictures. Just be careful to aim away from the computer. Once you get man milk in between the keys of your keyboard, it don’t come out…..so I’ve heard.
Now, I have to go warn a few of my friends out on the left coast that they can’t curse this week. Does that mean they can’t watch any Samuel L. Jackson movies this week, either?
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