Why Did I Go See This Movie Too?

I first read that the new Tyler Perry movie ‘Why Did I Get Married Too’ was pretty bad on one of the random blog sites that I check daily when I should be working, but I just kinda blew it off as one man’s opinion. Then my roommate told me it really was that bad. I started to believe it, but he’s a cynic…and he’s White. Then another friend confirmed that all the opinions that I had heard about the movie were indeed true. There was one saving grace, however; the movie was so bad that it was actually entertaining. It was at that point that I knew I had to watch this movie. So that is what I did, but I did my best to have an objective opinion going in and not be swayed by what I’d heard about the movie so far. So I went into the theatre with an open mind and bag of gummi bears that weren’t bought at the movie theatre’s concession stand. These are the notes I jotted down in my Blackberry during the movie (some commentary was added afterwards):

Very First Scene – Who thought it was a good idea to bring in their niece and nephew to play the role of the kids in the movie? This was some of the worst child acting I had seen in a long time. Don’t Will and Jada have two kids that can act? I wouldn’t have even been mad if they put Dakota Fanning in Black Face and had her play one of the roles as opposed to this. Seriously, it was like they took two kids who couldn’t read really well in the first place, and they told them to read their lines from a teleprompter.

Matter of fact, the kids aren't the only actors in the first scene who let you know just how bad the acting is going to be. Were TP and his beautiful Blasian wife (who looked better with long hair) trained at the local elementary school? Could their facial expressions be any more exaggerated, laughter any faker, etc.???

**Note to Tyler Perry - This is a movie and not one of your stage productions or those plays you hear advertised on your local classic R&B stations ("Lawd, Why Did I Choose the Wrong Man Again" - Starring that one girl from that one-hit wonder song from that one year back in the day!).You’re welcome

Airport Scene – Why did they have to take Angela’s role as the angry black woman to new heights? We all know damn well she wouldn’t have been acting a complete fool like that in an airport. Security woulda been on her ass like Lindsay Lohan on a line of blow.

How do you manage to make Janet Jackson look so mediocre? She went from sex symbol to looking like someone's Big Mama real quick.


Why were all the men asking their wives if they could go hang out with the other men? Pull ya skirts down, B! Grow a set.

What’s up with the cinematography? This was by far my biggest gripe with the movie. Seriously, the movie looks like it was shot by an Everest College film student. Evidently there was actually someone who listened to that annoying ass guy on the commercials and got off the couch to assist in a shitty movie.

To drive my previous point home: There’s a scene when all the men were out at the beach chillin on the Jet Skis? I counted four times that the camera shot to Lamman Rucker (aka Jill Scott’s husband in the movie) and he didn’t say anything. I’ve heard of a reaction shot, but c’mon son!

It got so bad that I actually said “say something, nigga” out loud in the theatre.

20 minutes later, he finally did.

Overly dramatic beach scene with Lou Gossett and the go-to old-wise-black-lady Cicely Tyson , who has to be pushing at least 107 years old by now. The whole time it felt like Keenan Ivory Wayans should’ve popped up from the side and yelled “MESSAGE!” I guess Tyler Perry forgot to get the mailman costume.

Ok so now they head home where there were so many plot twists that I really don’t even remember what all happened. So it’s like I never should’ve went to this movie in the first place. I remember there was some unrealistic scene between Janet and the New York Undercover Cop which was just kinda all around creepy.

The dude who played Mike Tyson should have slapped the shit out of his wife by now.

Jane Jackson went ape shit and broke everything in the house that was made of glass, which pretty much equates to everything because we all know how much black folks love glass furniture, but she still has to live there. Smart, right? The rage of Papa Joe lives on.

Jill Scott’s husband caught her at her ex husband’s place and he snapped, but instead of checking his broad, he went after the other dude. So he lost all of the cool points that he had gained throughout the movie.

All the wives starting going up to their husband’s jobs and starting trouble. Ultimately it backfired in Janet Jackson’s face. The whole scene was just awkward and stuck out like my white roommate at a Tyler Perry movie. I won’t say what happened because I don’t wanna ruin it for the people who haven’t seen it yet, but I’ll just say she must have felt like a real bitch at that point.

The movie ended somehow with The Rock (yes, the wrestler) asking Janet Jackson out on a date, but the only thing that I was thinking was, “When did the The Rock turn 66?” Nigga looked like he was headed straight to the AARP office as soon as the director yelled cut.

Overall the movie was definitely entertaining to say the least, but not in a good way. More like in a-bad-car-accident-on-the-side-of-the-road kind of way. Despite the bad acting and overacting, and horrible cinematography, and plot twists, and Janet Jackson’s lack of appeal.....I’m trying to come up with a compliment here, but I’m drawing a blank. I never thought I’d see the day where one Tyler Perry movie could do injustice to another Tyler Perry movie.

DONM: Death of Nicki Minaj

Seeing as how I try to avoid BET programming at all costs, I can’t confirm this completely, but I was reading allhiphop.com and a discussion thread stated that one of the hosts on 106 & Park compared Nicki Minaj to Janet Jackson or referred to her as the Janet Jackson of our generation. Please take a moment to shake your head in utter disappointment. I don’t know if this just intensifies my dislike for Nicki Minaj and BET or if it solidifies how dumb and apparently deaf the vast majority of music listeners under the age of 22 are. I’ve never really been much a fan of any female rapper ever. Much like the WNBA and golf it is another area where the male comparison is supremely better and more entertaining. With that being said, I can’t deny that I’ve nodded my head to a few tracks and have given props to some femcees in the game for spitting a hot 16 or two. This Nicki Minaj broad however is just plain annoying. I might go to hell for saying this, but this bitch just needs to die already. She used to be cute until she started cutting up her face with all that plastic surgery. Not to say I still wouldn’t do some things to her, but in all reality that ain’t saying much. She pretty much swagger jacked Lil Kim’s whole Barbie persona, but she’s not as entertaining as Kim once was. And I’m not sure who told her those little voice inflections that she does when she raps is cool or appealing, but it is most definitely not. It’s weird and it makes my ears bleed.

It makes me angrier because I don’t want to be considered a hater. But I have to accept the fact that I do indeed hate Nicki Minaj. I would gladly listen to Wocka Flocka Flame for the rest of my life if I no longer had to hear her voice. I don’t even listen to the radio, and I could always just turn the channel when a video of hers comes on TV, but the thing is since she’s the “hot” trend right now, she’ll be featured on other people’s albums. She was on the last Robin Thicke joint and the new Ursha. I wouldn’t be surprised if half of the major upcoming releases have her featured on a track. So I have to accept the fact that she’s probably gonna be around for at least another year or so until the industry gets tired of her.

So can you all do me a favor out there? Please refrain from supporting her if at all possible. Don’t request her songs (do people still call into radio stations?). If you hear her on the radio, turn the dial. If her song comes on in a club, stop dancing. If you see her on BET, slap yourself for still watching BET (unless of course you’re watching the BlackBuster Movie of the Week). That is all. I should probably get back to work now.

Trick Please

So being a sponsor is what’s hot these days? No, I’m not talking about donating money to a little league team or anything like that. I’m talking about dudes giving money, gifts, favors, etc. to women just for the hell of it. Now to the unknowing person it would seem that any man doing this for a woman has some kind of relationship with her whether it is a close friend, a deep emotional connection or purely sexual. I always knew there were simps out there who did what they had to do to get theirs. I have no problem with these guys, but this is a little ridiculous. See, I had a friend of mine tell me that some guy paid one or some of her bills so I just assumed that she had a sugar daddy on the side that helped her out from time to time. Come to find out, there is a difference between a sugar daddy and a sponsor. Apparently sugar daddies get sex, but sponsors pretty much know that they get nothing in return. Huh? Where they do that at? And before we go any further, despite what your favorite rapper told you, it is in fact tricking even if you do have it. Its one thing to know that sponsoring is something that happens, but now dudes are promoting it. If you haven’t heard, Tierra Marie has a song out with the two of the greatest lyricists to ever touch the mic, Souljaboy and Gucci Mane, appropriately titled “Sponsor.” No, I haven’t heard the song so I can’t tell you if it is catchy or not. I’m only speaking about the message that this song is sending out. It was always my impression that when dudes were tricking their money, even if they got something in return, it wasn’t an action that was glorified.

It’s understandable for women or any recipient of said sponsorship to be in favor of it, so maybe I’m just speaking from pure jealousy here because I don’t have one, but what is the point of being one of these sponsors? Is it because some of these guys have extra disposable income and they just want to make someone’s life easier? Could be, but I’m fairly certain that these are probably the same guys who don’t donate money to any local charities or homeless people. Maybe it’s to have some kind of control over their recipients in case they ever need a favor from them. I’m absolutely stumped. Not because I’m cheap, which I don’t think that I am. And it’s not because I’m selfish even though I definitely am. I don’t understand it because I always assumed that you never give or get something for nothing. I’m gonna stop now before these random women say that I’m blocking and what not…just had to jot this random thought down real quick.