Same Sh*t...Different Toilet

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/6754981.html

So I ran across this article the other day in The Houston Chronicle and it the basis of it surrounds the fact that many people in black community aren’t necessarily mad at Tiger for cheating on his wife; they have a problem with all of the rumored mistresses being white. Which of course brings us back full circle to the age old problem of famous black men (most notably athletes) becoming successful and running off with a white girl. I think we’ve all heard this argument time and time again, and in my opinion, I think it’s about time we all moved on. Black people love to play the race card a lot and are always screaming for equality, so why would it make a difference if you date someone black or white? I think I know where the problem lies. It’s when a black man gets a white woman for the sole purpose of feeling validated for having reached a certain level of success. I mean if a brother can get a white girl, then he really made it right? I’m pretty sure this is the reason behind a few of the many prominent black athletes and entertainers today. I can understand why this would upset anybody. But this probably equates to a small percentage of people who are in an interracial relationship. Some black people will get mad when they hear that a black man or woman is generally more attracted to and prefers a white partner rather than dating within their race. I don’t necessarily see a problem with this as long as it’s not one of those dudes that just come right out and say “I don’t date black chicks.” Hey, we all have preferences don’t we? Is it any different than a black woman who says she prefers a dark chocolate man? At the end of the day, her preference is based on the color of her counterpart’s skin tone.

And as far as black women out there still complaining that the white women are taking all of your men, nobody told you that you had to date a black man. Switch it up. As a matter of fact, I have a very close white friend who happens to like women with some melanin in their skin. Hit me up if you’re interested. Now that I think about it, a lot of my friends are in interracial relationships, and they all seem to be genuinely happy. They didn’t do it because they thought their boy/girlfriend was a status symbol. They didn’t do it because they thought it would be easier dating someone white either. This brings me to another point. I’ve heard people claiming that Tiger never would’ve gotten away with this had he been married to a black woman, “cuz ain’t no sistah gon’ stand for that bs.” Negroes please. I know plenty of black women who have been cheated on and didn’t do shit about it. Some of them might do something stupid like flatten all four tires on your Cadillac and put a brick through your windshield (true story). But a message to all the ladies out there, you cannot hurt a man by harming his personal belongings. For one, anything worth destroying is probably insured or covered by some kind of accidental damage warranty. All that’s going to do is piss him off and make him want to hurt you even more. The only way to truly hurt a man is to…….nah, I’m not gonna tell you.

Another comment in the article that stuck out to me brought up the notion of how some people would act towards Barack Obama had he married a white woman. Seeing as how he’s a light skinded, half black, Harvard graduate, how many people out there riding the Obama train would call him a sellout if Michelle were white instead of black? For that matter, would more white people have accepted him had he been married to a white woman? Yeah I’m sure a lot of black people would still vote for him just because he was black (which is another topic that I could rant about for hours), but a lot of people would have probably thought a little more about that decision. Of course the Republicans still had Sarah Palin on their team, which technically wouldn’t have made that much of a difference this time around anyway. You get the point I’m getting at here though. True enough it’s easier for a people to date someone with a similar culture or background, but you don’t see the Vatican going ape shit when a famous catholic person marries a protestant. Maybe we should just make race like we do religion. You can convert to being Jewish or Catholic, so why not convert some of these white women over to the dark side before they’re allowed to get married to a black man? They would have to go through a series of tests to prove their “blackness” and even have to start checking the little box on all applications marked “Black and/or of African descent.” Would that satisfy everybody?

MyShoeBag Presents: The Dark Knight

With tomorrow's release of Chris Brown's album, guest writer The Dark Knight offers his opinion on why we shouldn't count out the young buck. I'm sure that album has some good beats on it at the least

Remember the days where a good ol’ fashion beef sold records; a lie here (Pac sleeping with Faith Evans), fabrication there (Rick Ross, “I ain’t never been a correctional officer, oh wait there was that time in the early 90’s I spent collecting a pay check…but I was crooked though”), a diss song based on a ½ second encounter with another artist that didn’t go the way that you wanted (Mariah Carey and Em)…but domestic violence? That’s a new one for me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am most certainly familiar with artists using mean and hurtful language when describing other artist in their music to create a buzz around a record ors to create this publicity surrounding their new album releases, but Rhiana and Chris Brown have taken the “Drama Sells” approach to a whole new level. Before I get into this brief tirade of sorts let me say for the record, I am against any type of domestic violence…and just in case you had the tendency to cheer let me be specific; my stance is not just against cowardly men putting their hands on women, but also gassed up women feeling they can put they hands on a man.”

Now that I got that out of the way; I find it extremely interesting how an individual who has suffered extreme brutality at the hands of her significant other back in February can go into complete obscurity with no sign of imminent return or appearance. And then, nine months later you are back on the scene in full affect, ready to birth another album all in the name of generating awareness to other young women about the seriousness of domestic violence. I mean the interview airs national November 6, and the album drops a couple of weeks after. My question is where were you 7, 8 months ago? Have you made any other public appearance to educate individuals on the warning signs of abuse? And please spare me the she was finally ready to talk about it speech because it wasn’t like her mouth was wired shut or she was in a coma like state that prevented her from coming public sooner. I’m not downing Rhiana for speaking out…I’m just curious as to the timing.

And just to be fair…Chris you couldn’t come out with an initial statement about how you felt in regards to the Rhiana interview? Oh wait, maybe you were after your community service you became too consumed with helping young men deal with their anger. Whatever the case, I’m sure tonight we will see a very remorseful, I never thought I could be that guy, I’ve never been like that in any other relationship, witnessing domestic violence with my own eyes growing up had no effect on me, etc., etc. I’m sure that you won’t mention the new album at all…unless Robin Roberts ask you about it (wink wink). I’m sure by the previews that your Mr. Rodgers sweater and coy demeanor will preserve some of the album sales that you might have lost…considering it comes out December 8th.
At the end of the day, there is nothing like some CONTORVERSY to help sell records…no matter the severity.

MyShoeBag Presents: The Black Avenger

Today's note is brought to you by a special ghost writer who goes by "The Black Avenger"

The Game Done Changed:

When you reach a certain level of popularity, people are going to be in your business 24/7. There are going to be cousins, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, parents, children and a whole lot of other people coming out of nowhere claiming that you owe them this or that, or asking can they have this or that. As far as I’ve seen, most public figures keep a tight rein on their past and can easily buy off or litigate their way out of any funny business committed by these individuals. What gets me is the way these public figures, these ridiculously rich public figures, especially the men, continue to act like dumb dummies when it comes to getting some action on the side. It’s like they grew up with all these chicks throwing booty at them and the minute they jump into to the top 5% tax bracket they start losing their damn minds and forgetting how the game is supposed to work. There are piss poor men out here that have had secret families for years and nobody knows until his funeral and there is a whole ‘nother family sitting on that first pew and that little boy in the front looks just like little Junebug. Why can’t these dudes with money at their disposal get it together? It’s an unsaid rule that men with power and money cheat, not all of them but I would go out on a limb and say most of them. It would seem to me that the wives of these men know this, hell some of them may have been the other woman at some point in time. Where these dudes are getting the game twisted is that they feel that they are untouchable in that aspect, and that they can go around banging all these different chicks all willy nilly and not have any consequences. I’ll go a step further and say that they aren’t even just banging these chicks but they are showing them too much love.

Example, a high profile sports star is married with children, he goes to Vegas meets a cocktail waitress that would turn a Catholic priest into a salivating horndog (hehe..horndog), and he takes her back to the room for a romp. He may even take her number so that the next time he is in Vegas they will hook up again. So he calls and texts her dropping a bunch of sweet nothings in her ear, until wifey finds out; then he doesn’t know the chick, never met her, and whatever other denial claims he can come up with. The wife threatens divorce, the dude sees half of his…and I stress, HIS hard money going to pay for a new toy for the wife, and claims he will never talk the chick again. He tells the other lady it’s over and the next thing you know it’s all over CNN, ESPN, ABC, and NPR that this guy is a cheater from way back, and this other lady knows more about him than his own wife. Now the guy’s rep is in shambles al because he didn’t play the game like it’s supposed to be played.

Fellas, let me drop a jewel on you…if you are going to cheat make sure you have no feelings for the other chick, don’t buy her nice expensive gifts, don’t wine and dine her. If you can help it, don’t even get her name. Treat her like the hoe she is. Now ladies before you get upset, if the chick is messing with a dude she knows has a wife and kids at home she is a whore plain and simple. The problem I see happening with the rich dudes is that they are tricking dough on these jumpoffs and making them feel like they are more than what they are. I don’t care if you are Bill Gates rich, it is trickin if you got it, ain’t got it, or never will have it. If you have money to blow like that spend it on yourself or your kids, not some random piece of ass that will have your head(pun intended) if you try to cut it off with her. Because in her eyes, she is your woman now. This should be common sense to most of dudes but to those who don’t know, never ever, ever, ever treat a jumpoff with love and respect. Miss me with that all women should be treated with respect bullsh!t cause it ain’t true, ladies this goes for you too. Use the brutally honest approach if necessary and let her know she is just something to do and if she can’t handle it move around. There are chicks out there content with being a booty call...trust that. Some of these smuts just want the pleasure of saying they got smashed by a famous dude, I’ve heard it before. Don’t leave voice messages and text messages. That’s called a paper trail, don’t be friends on Facebook, don’t call on birthdays, kwanza, easter, nothing. You would think with all the money these guys have it would be easy to cover up infidelity but those smuts are only in it for the pay day any fool can see that. There should be cameras in every corner of the room during a sweaty sex session, just for protection against false allegations, if you can help it even an eyewitness with a notarized contract of what’s about to go down. You’re rich. Name me one chick that wouldn’t sign an agreement to sleep with a Denzel or Kobe. If she’s not willing to sign then move around. This goes for the broke playas out there as well, not just the ones with money. I’m just saying take precautions and be careful, some may say “well you not thinking about the consequences when it happens”, I say that’s the stupidest sh!t I ever heard. Think about the consequences before it happens and you’ll be a little bit better prepared. And if you can’t deal with the repercussions don’t cheat, and if you have to cheat leave your girl cause in the end you will end up being the loser; be it your life (RIP Steve McNair), your rep (RIP Cablasian Tiger, hello black Tiger) or your money (too many to name). Just be smart.

Is That Yo Chick Pt 2

Is that Yo Chick PT 2:

As a follow up to “Is that Yo Chick Pt.1”, we proudly introduce a Pt. 2 because you (the people) loved it so much with your comment,s and because there are other aspects to touch on. Now we already stated that if your partner wanted to cheat they were going to cheat and there is NOTHING you can do about it. So just to recap the first two components, which were the jealous guy/girl that hates when people look at their partner, and thinking that just because they are talking to a friend, that it must mean they are “blowing their back out” even though if they talking to someone out of my crew we most likely taught her that little thing that she does and that you like most. So let’s jump right into these next topics.

Another situation we notice happens often is when a girlfriend/boyfriend’s phone rings from a call or a text, a lot of people get all up in arms for no reason. If you think you are the only person in your partner’s contacts, then you are about as dumb as a sack of rocks. There are people before you and most likely will be some during and after you….so save yourself some stress and try not to screen someone else’s phone calls. Just think about it like this: if it’s someone he/she is cheating with he/she won’t even look at the phone let alone answer it in front of you. So just calm down before someone’s feelings get hurt. Some people you just can’t win with. Let’s say someone’s significant other does answer the phone in front of them to talk to a friend, be it male or female, they are talking to someone who is JUST A FRIEND. You have some people who get mad because they think their girl/guy is flirting with someone else in their face and is being disrespectful. On the other hand if the phone doesn’t get answered that person will still get mad because he/she feels that the significant other has something to hide. God forbid if your guy/girl caught you cheating before. Every time your phone rings all she’ll say is “It’s probably that BITCH calling you again!” 4406

Lastly, if a random person compliments your girl/boyfriend by saying something like “you look nice today” or “I like what you have on” it does not mean that they are trying to recruit your main squeeze into some kind of weird swingers union. No need to jump down a person’s throat (no lil kim). If someone tells you that your man/woman is handsome/beautiful, take solace in the fact that you have great taste and that you aren’t like some of these people walking around with somebody on your arm looking like they just got through watching the tape from The Ring. The same thing applies when ya’ll are standing in a checkout line and we stop and have a conversation with the clerk. That person is not flirting, that’s just good customer service. Or maybe they are. The salesperson could be looking to get some.

Is That Yo Chick?

Anybody out there known to be a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend? You probably won’t admit it and that’s ok. Does anybody have a jealous significant other? I don’t necessarily have a problem with people getting a little jealous when their boyfriend/girlfriend gets a little too close for comfort with someone else that isn’t him/her. It’s only natural. What I do have a problem with is people who are rediculously jealous as well as insecure in their relationship. People would be doing themselves a huge favor if they stopped stressing themselves out over what the other person is doing. I’m not saying you shouldn’t care what the other person is doing, I’m saying there isn’t anything you can do about what the other person is doing. To everyone out there in Facebookland and across the globe read this carefully: If your man/woman wants to cheat on you, there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do about it.
There are generally two situations that piss me off whenever I see them; rather it be on tv or in real life.

The first happens something like this when me and my boys decide to hit downtown. Why is it that whenever some guy sees us walking towards him and his girl he immediately looks at his girl, looks at us, and then graps his girl’s hand and moves to the other side of the walk way or to another part of the club? Stop handcuffing dude. Don’t get mad at one of us because your girl was peeping. And don’t try to act hard and front of your girl either, cuz I’m the only skinny one in my crew. Everybody else looks like they got their master’s degree from Gold’s Gym. We will whoop the shit outta you and take ya girl behing the alley of Speakeasy and have our way. I’m just playin…but I’m sayin. The point I’m trying to make is there is no reason for you to be mad. Not at me anyway. You’d be better off checking your girl and going upside her head. Besides, I’m not gonna holla at her…well not in front of you anyway. Now as soon as you go to the bathroom, I might step to her at the bar. But you’re in the bathroom and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it. So stop with the insecurities. If something did happen with your girl and another dude, you won’t find out about it anyway. And worrying about what or who she does all day when you’re not around will eat you alive. You can’t watch her 24/7. And if you happen to have an attractive girlfriend, you have to know that dudes try to get at her all day everyday.

(NOTE: All men probably seem to think that their significant other is attractive. Unfortunately several men are sadly mistaken. For those of you guys out there you can relax, you have nothing to worry about here. Unless of course your girl is a hoe. I’m just playin…but I’m sayin)

The second situation that I happen to see a lot is when a person sees their boyfriend/girlfriend talking to somebody else that they don’t know and they immediately get jealous. If your girl/guy happens to be getting a little too flirtatious, it’s perfectly ok to let it be known that you plan on kick the shit out him/her as soon as you get home. But never, ever, under any circumstances try to check the other person. The first reason being that you don’t know them and they just might kick your ass. The second reason being, it’s not their fault that your significant other wants to talk to them. If you happen to go out and you see you girl/guy getting a little too close to someone else, then do the same thing with someone else but take it up a notch or two. See how much they like it on the other end and I guarantee you they’ll think twice about it the next time. You may even end up getting laid out of the whole ordeal. Not saying I condone that…but I’m sayin.

With that being said, the basic premise I’m trying to get to is that if you’re gonna be with somebody, you gotta learn to trust them. If you can’t do that, then you might as well break up now because you will never be happy with that person. If you do what you’re supposed to do you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. And if your boyfriend/girlfriend still ends up sneaking around, well then that just wasn’t the one for you. It’s not the end of the world. On to the next one. Yeah it may hurt you, but don’t get mad. Get even. Sleep with his/her closest friends as revenge. I’m just playin…but I’m sayin.

The Dynasty Is Over

Man, I definitely didn’t see this one coming. Beanie Sigel and Jay-Z are beefing. I’m taking this one kinda personal. This is my favorite rapper and another one that I really really like. These dudes was supposed to be like brothers back in the day, but it seems like the good times are over. Kinda like when James Evans died. To me it seems like Jay just flaked out on Beans. When Sigel he was going through his trial a few years ago, Jay was busy being president at Def Jam and Dame was at every court date, and Beans still rode with Hov after that. That’s the kind of loyalty one would only expect from Memphis Bleek. Apparently Sigel got fed up with Jay hanging out with Oprah and Coldplay and called him out. Jay forgot about the people he came up with. And this ain’t the first time it’s happened. Look at Jaz-O, Foxy Brown, Dame and Biggs, and now Beans. With Jay it’s like very few people are actually considered friends of his, and if you can’t help him make money then he really has no need for you. He just better not do anything wrong to Beyonce, or me and him are gonna have serious problems. But this made me look at Jay in a different light. It’s not easy seeing somebody that you look at as the best to ever do it as somebody who is constantly doing some not-so-cool shit to the people that are supposedly closest to him. Then again, my favorite ball player of all time is Michael Jordan and we all know how much of an asshole he is from his hall of fame speech (which I loved by the way). So it just so happens that my favorite rapper is an asshole, as well as my favorite athlete, and one of my favorite shows is based on the main character being an asshole: Martin. What exactly does that say about me?

Anyway, Beans released a song today going in at Jay. It ain’t no “Ether”, but still it’s sort of surreal for anybody who was a huge fan of the The Rocafella Family. So now the question is: What will Hov have to say about this one? I was ok with Jay not responding to the Game when he tried to start beef. We all know how much Game has been baiting Jay since he started rapping, but when you mention somebody’s name in 83% of your songs saying how great he is it’s kinda hard to take you seriously when you say you don’t like him. Besides, it was basically a lose-lose situation for Jay-Z. Really no benefit to battle with Game, or Jim Jones. We all know Game is an ex-stripper, with a butterfly tattoo, who got rejected on national TV on a dating show. The material was too easy. But Beans is cut from a different cloth. The majority of the rap world and its fans respect him. He’s pretty gutta. You know how grimy them Philly dudes are. So for Jay to just lay back and let this one ride…he would seem like a bit of a pussy. Personally I’m waiting for another “Takeover.” We all saw how Mob Deep’s career went after that joint dropped. Then again, with these two being close for so long, I don’t think Jay is gonna go that route. It’ll probably be handled “in house” behind the scenes. Besides, Beans is a little too grimy even for the dude from Marcy. I’d hate to see Jay take a haymaker and fall to the canvas. Who knows? This could all be backlash from the World Series. Beans is from Philly, Jay is from NY and is a big Yankee fan. So in a week or so this will probably all blow over…or we could have the best rap battle since Jay and Nas were going at it. Either way, I’m looking forward to see how this one is gonna play out.

As Real As It Gets

I thought that professional weed carriers like Spliff Star , Tony Yayo, and Memphis Bleek were supposed to be the ones to take the fall when their boss/famous rapper caught a charge. In the past week, we’ve come to learn that both Lil B-O-O-S-I-E and Lil Wayne are both going to be serving time pretty soon. I’m not trying to say that they shouldn’t go to jail, but I can’t help but think they actually WANT to go to jail to boost their image as somebody who is hard. We already know Weezy F. Baby was hard. I mean, he actually got shot in the mean streets of the N.O. It should probably also be noted that he shot himself, but it takes a cold blooded man to turn a gun on himself…or is that a dumb ass man? I get confused sometimes. Wayne was actually Plaxico before Plaxico “Plaxicoed” himself. I guess the state of Louisiana figures being dumb enough to shoot yourself is punishment enough rather than sending him to the pokey.

Unlike Wayne, Boosie probably would have had to do some time regardless since he was stupid enough to post videos on youtube, which were then posted on worldstarhiphop.com showing him flashing guns and other weaponry. Just from looking at Boosie for 3 seconds, I could guarantee that not a single one of those guns were registered, and that they averaged at least 2.3 bodies on each of them.

Weezy’s case is a little cloudier though. Apparently the gun found on his tour bus was registered to a friend of his who was also on the same bus when the cops busted it. However, the cops said they found Wayne’s DNA on the gun. I’m curious to know what kind of DNA they could’ve possibly found besides fingerprints. What in the hell was he doing to that poor pistol? I’m fairly certain you won’t go to jail for having fingerprints on a registered gun, but I could be wrong. Especially with the gun laws they got up in New York. The point is if his lawyer’s could have proven that the gun was registered to somebody else who was traveling with him on tour, then he would’ve beaten the case in a trial. Instead, he plead out and is about to go up north for about 8 months.

In the case of both of these guys, it just seems like with the declining sales climate in music, they need all the help they can get. We all saw how big Pac blew up after he got out of jail. TI is still putting out videos every other week. Damn near every hip hop head was going crazy waiting for Shyne to get out until the people over at immigration said “Fuck that. Get this nigga out of our country!” The point is, both of these rappers can benefit from doing a bid. Boosie will just solidify the fact that he always has been and always will be one of the realest in the game. Whenever he gets out, him and Webbie can go back to spelling out words in their songs and educating the youth. And for Wayne, well besides the fact that everybody is tired of the shitty music that he’s put out lately, he just proved that he’s hard enough to take some time. Another benefit for him is that he’ll be able to kiss all the men that he wants to, I just hope Baby doesn’t get too jealous. I’m willing to bet that when Wayne comes out of the joint he’ll be rapping back the way he used to...good.

This kinda made me think: with T-Pains recent mock funeral, Kanye going to hide in a hole (Amber Rose) for the next month or so and Wayne going away for a while, are we witnessing the death of autotune? Somebody should kill Ron Browz just to make sure.

I’m out.

Pause!

The whole “no homo” craze caught on after Lil Wayne started saying it on those mixtapes he used to drop once a week. I guess the fact that he admittedly kisses another man, who he calls “daddy,” and wears skinny jeans, he probably needs to over-persuade everyone that he is in fact not a homo. Not to say that people who wear skinny jeans are more prone to be homosexual…I’m just saying. And then the whole “no homo” saying got real old real quick. It got to the point where people couldn’t even have a conversation with their boys without a “pause/no homo” being said every six seconds. Now I will admit, I’ve had to hit the pause button on more than a few occasions just to provide some humor to the conversation and to keep the masculinity in line. But, nowadays I no longer feel the need to say pause unless there is some seriously suspect, borderline things going on. Well to you, Mr. Tyson Beckford, I say PAUSE!

Now for those who haven’t heard, model Tyson Beckford was asked on a radio show that if he had to go gay for one man, who that man would be. Now before we go any further, let it be known that this guy has been repeatedly accused of being gay for a number of years. See, I’m a well known hater of the Los Angeles Lakers, and if somebody is constantly accusing me of being a Laker fan, I’m not going to show up in public wearing a Kobe Bryant jersey to dispel those rumors. The point I’m trying to make is that if someone who constantly has their sexuality questioned is asked a question like “which person of the same sex would you want to sleep with?” the proper response should be something along the lines of “I’m not gay, so I can’t answer that.” I’m comfortable enough with my manhood and my sexuality to say that another man can be good looking. But this Tyson has to be THEE most comfortable person with his sexuality ever…or the most confused. When asked the infamous question at hand, Tyson responded that he would not only like to bang our president Barack Obama, but even went into detail by saying he would make Obama the bottom. Oh yeah, and that Michelle Obama would hold the camera to record all of this. I don’t remember anybody asking him that if he were to have sex with a man, who he wanted to record the incident and who would be in what position. This suggests to me that the interview was not the first time that Tyson has fantasized about making President Obama his bottom bitch. I bet you probably thought that it couldn’t get any worse, right? But in his complete comfort, Tyson also went on to say that he would like to give it to Will Smith as well. So not only does he want to sodomize our president, but he also wants to make it an orgy with one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. Well, I guess at least he has high standards. I mean if you’re gonna be gay, don’t just settle for the choir director at the church down the street.

Please know that I don’t care if the man is gay or not, and I have nothing against homosexuals. I’ve hung out with gay people on occasions before. The problem I have is that if you’re going to live a certain lifestyle, just do you. I know that typically in the black community, homosexuality is viewed as something similar to being a leper. Tyson is supposed to be a pioneer as far as black male models go, so what really bothers me is that he uses this platform to bring more sideshow attention to President Obama, when the pres already has enough critics saying he is too distracted, by suggesting that he wants to make the president his boy toy. There’s enough Republicans out there trying to fuck Obama as it is, Tyson, so fall back for another 4 or 8 years. I would like to “pause” Tyson Beckford on this one, but that phrase is supposed to be reserved in reference to heterosexuals who say things that can be twisted into a homosexual nature. This guy on the other hand should no longer have is sexuality questioned…because he just gave us the answer.

MyShoeBag Presents: Roxci's Corner

MyShoeBag would like to present a new segment here entitled Roxcis Corner with our leading lady correspondent Roxci Monroe. So without further ado, take it away Roxci

The Breast I Ever Had
BY: Roxci Monroe

Whatever happened to less is more? This past weekend I attended the Jamie Foxx Concert and saw some “interesting sightings” to say the least. In particular a plus size woman with an extremely low cut dress. With nothing little left to the imagination, let’s just say I could see that it was quite cold outside! Don’t get me wrong, the woman was attractive, however her beauty was overshadowed by the revealing nature of her attire. So I pose the question, “why do full figured women constantly have their chest showing?” I recently took a poll from women who were guilty of not complying with the 11th Commandment- Thou shall place a cloth over thy chesticles, and I compared it to the findings that I collected from a random sample of men. The results were interesting. Some of the responses from the ladies included that they loved the extra attention that they otherwise would not have received had they covered up and others said that the attention on the low cut blouse took away from focus on their other imperfections. After asking the men, I found that when they saw a woman with her “girls out” a few viewed her as “sexy” while others viewed her in a negative light. They considered them to be promiscuous or an easy catch. Although the men loved the way that they looked, the respect factor lessened. Queen Latifah and comedian Mo’Nique have been photographed on the red carpet with a shawl or piece of material covering their bosom. Let us all take a lesson from some of our well endowed role models and put on a cami or cover up. And to all of my full figured fashionistas, don’t take this blog as negative criticism. Every woman has something beautiful about her and by all means accentuate your BEST features not your BREAST features. Sure, you may believe that your bountiful bosom is appealing and irresistible but in actuality outsiders see it as an extra cell phone/spare change pouch or a method to smother small children. So, whether you use your cleavage to catch men or catch dropped food, know that you could be catching a bad rap from the opposite sex.

K. West vs. J. Wilson

By now everybody is tired of hearing/reading/talking about the Kanye West and Taylor Swift situation. I am too, even though it did make for a few hilarious youtube clips along the way (this is my favorite http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxKIcrDsJAs ). But this isn’t about that, it’s about how blatant and rampant racism is still around in this country despite what Fox News tells you. Because there’s no way we can live in a nation full of racism when the president is black, right? I was recently reading an article about the fallout from the K. West controversy at the VMA’s and it pointed out hundreds, maybe even thousands of twitter posts calling Kanye West a “nigger” and how he was just having a “nigger moment.” I was kinda left speechless like Chris Brown during his Larry King interview…”just wow, I can’t believe that happened…like wow!” Now, I’ll be the first to say Ye was out of line for what he did. You know you fucked up when the president calls you a jackass.

This brings me to a side rant. I’ve read a few blogs here and there that have said President Obama is a sellout for calling out Kanye West. So is Obama supposed to support what Kanye did just because they’re both black? Get real, the dude was/is a jackass. The pres was just calling a spade a spade (no pun intended).

So I think we’re all in accordance that what happened at the VMA’s was out of line and inappropriate, and Kanye should receive some backlash (no Kunta Kinte) for his actions. But just a few days earlier, a congressman from South Carolina named Joe Wilson interrupted a speech being given by the leader of the free world by calling him a liar, yet he seems to be getting more popular. He’s gaining respect and support for having the balls to stand up for what he believes in. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that a president’s address is slightly more important than an acceptance speech at an MTV award show. The problem I have is no one condemns Joe Wilson’s outburst as having anything to do with race. Ye got a little too tipsy off the Henny and made a poor choice. I’ve done that plenty of times. But does that make it a “nigger moment?” Like this is something that black people are known for doing on a regular basis: hopping on stage at awards shows and interrupting the recipients. That would be like me giving a presentation at work and expecting some random white guy to interrupt my power point and scream “YOU LIE!”

For a country that’s supposed to be the melting pot of cultures, racism sure is a taboo subject. And because there are so many races and cultures, to be honest, it’s almost too easy to be racist in America. Most of yall won’t admit it, but when you’re boarding a plane and someone of Indian/Arab/Middle Eastern descent comes on your heart skips a beat or two. When the Virginia Tech shooting happened a few years ago, everybody was real nice to the Asian IT guys at work the next day. It ain’t right, but that’s the reality of the world we live in. But the problem lies in the fact that nobody wants to talk about racism. And if we can’t talk about it, we’ll never understand it. It’s really a social problem that should be looked at and examined in the same context as people study crime or education in America. Alas, the more diverse this country becomes, the more people will continue to try to bottle up racism and hide it, which in turn will only make matters worse.
The point I’m trying to make is none of the actions of these two characters should be attributed to race. That excuse for someone’s actions is played out like Iceberg t-shirts. It’s time to just accept the fact that some people are just plain stupid. They do things and say things without thinking them thru.

Questions? Comments? Was Beyonce’s video REALLY one of the greatest of all time? OF ALL TIME?

Deeper Than Rap

Deeper Than Rap (No Officer Ricky)

I hadn’t had the motivation to write a blog in quite some time, but when people do stupid shit I have an obligation to you all to offer my insight. Most of you are probably too young to remember any of the music that Roxanne Shante put out. Doesn’t matter, that’s not what we’re here to discuss. Let’s instead focus on how she was interviewed numerous times in magazines, blogs and even on TV about how she got Warner Bros. Music Group to put up $200,000 to fund her education since they screwed her out of her contract way back when Reagan put crack in the hood…I mean the 80’s. As Roxanne would have you believe she got her Bachelor’s from Marymount Manhattan College and had just completed her PhD from Cornell University (shout out to the Jewels). It kinda became a feel good story seeing as how the poor Black girl from the hood had won against the corporate giant and was now a doctor and a licensed psychologist. Doesn’t that just warm your heart?

After some deep investigation by the people at slate magazine it was discovered that Cornell had no records of her ever attending the school, let alone getting a degree. I don’t really think Roxanne Shante meant to lie to everybody. Remember she was somewhat of a local hood star back in the 80’s so who knows how much free basing and/or lines she snorted back then. I mean you don’t have to have PhD to be considered a doctor right? Look at Dr. Dre, but nobody ever looked into his academic history. In my personal opinion she was planning on making a comeback to the rap game and that was gonna be her new stage name. It was also later discover that she was not a licensed psychologist in the state of New York. Did anybody ever think that she was maybe the person that all of her friends and family went to when they had problems. So I figure during the interview she probably said something along the lines of “Sometimes I feel like a licensed psychologist in the state of New York.” But people tend to get nervous in interviews, so maybe she stuttered a little bit; and then everybody just took that out of context.

Last but not least, after Slate magazine contacted Marymount Manhattan College they found out that she didn’t even get her Bachelor’s degree. I know what you’re thinking: this is getting out of hand, what possible explanation is there for this lie? The school says that Roxanne attended the school for about 4 months, and then she left and never came back. Anybody ever stop to think that maybe there was an administrative error on the schools part? I know some of yall went to an HBCU, and I don’t need you to explain to me how fucked up the administrative procedures are taken care of at those schools. Maybe when she went to enroll for the next semester the school just never recorded it, but poor Roxanne was still going to classes for the next three or four years (five or six if she’s like some people that I know whose names I won’t mention). So after all these years of going to class, she felt like she had the same education as anybody else whose paperwork wasn’t messed up. She just didn’t have the physical paper to prove it.

I’m on Roxanne Shante’s side. I think these schools are just keeping her records on hold because Warner Bros. hasn’t cleared that check yet for her tuition. That’s why I’m starting a fund for her to go and get a degree with some real substance. If you would like to make a donation please email us at myshoebag@live.com. Make all checks payable to Everest College.

Questions? Comments? Did she really think nobody would check this out? Let us know what’s on your mind.

The Careys vs. Marshall Mathers

I didn’t really want to go in on this one too much because it was kinda stupid in my book. By now, most of us have heard the song “Warning” that Eminem made dissing Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. I can’t really ride with Em on this one like I usually do. I can appreciate the song for its lyricism, word play and all that other good stuff. But on some real shit, it’s kinda wack to me. And how does Eminem manage to diss The Careys and still ethers himself worse than anybody else on the track? True to Mariah’s song, dude, you do sound obsessed. It’s one thing to mention them in your song off your new album 7 years after you already had your way with her. But to save recordings of her voicemails, that I’m sure you were holding on to in hopes that something like this would happen, is just kinda crazy. But what can we expect from a drug addict, white guy who was abused as a kid, and may or may not have been sexually abused by his stepfather. Despite the fact that you are one of my favorite rappers, and you even murdered my favorite rapper on his own shit…Em, you lost on this one.

But Nick Carey, this was your chance to be the hero, but you didn’t jump at the opportunity. I don’t wanna say you went out like a pussy, but…the facts are all laid out on the table saying that you did. The most you can say after another man calls you a “fag” and puts your wife on blast to the whole world about how he banged her, is a quote from a bible verse via twitter. Pull ya skirt down, B! It’s one thing to turn the other cheek, and it’s quite another to look like a straight up bitch (Little Nicky chose the latter). Let me tell you why Mr. All That/Wildin Out should have taken every opportunity to verbally attack Marshall Mathers. If he keeps it on wax, he can’t lose. Yes, we all know that Eminem is a superior emcee and that Nick Carey is somewhere between Souljaboy and Gucci Mane. That’s exactly why he should take the chance. If he gets slaughtered in a rap battle Ja Rule style, then it’s ok because everyone expects that to happen anyway. But the biggest difference between Nick Carey and Ja Rule is that, Nick never had a rap career to risk losing. If by some chance Nick does get the upper hand in a rap battle, he might gain some respect from his wife and she won’t make him carry around her purse anymore while they go shopping.

I’m gonna give you the benefit of t the doubt here, Nicky, and say the people at NBC didn’t want the host of their most popular show to engage in a rap battle and put a muzzle on you. Because if that is what happened and you go ahead and diss Eminem anyway then you’ll probably end up getting fired. Then when you see him in the streets, he’ll get his Detroit goons to beat the living shit out of you. Now you would have lost your job and your money, Eminem still fucked your wife and told the world about it, and then he would have beat your ass for having the audacity to stand up for your wife.

The moral of the story here is that it doesn’t matter what road he takes because he still gets to sleep with Mariah Carey every night for the time being, and at the end of the day that makes him a winner in my book.

Bitches & Sisters

“Sisters get respect, bitches get what they deserve…sisters work hard, bitches work your nerves.”
-Jay-Z

These are some of the truest words ever spoken. Shout out to the big homie. I was motivated to write this post after having a few drinks with my brother, my line brother and his girl. Somewhere in the conversation my brother used the word “bitch” referring to some young lady. Then my boy’s girl got offended and said something along the lines of “why she gotta be a bitch?” Well the answer was quite simple. He called her a bitch because apparently she acted like…a bitch. In my personal opinion, he didn’t say anything wrong. Now I don’t condone calling a woman out of her name just for the sheer pleasure of it. Like if you’re out and you try to talk to a woman, and she turns you down so you turn around and call her a bitch. That’s just wrong and immature. Depending on your level of drunkenness it can be funny, but it’s still wrong nonetheless.

I’m the type of person who likes to call it like I see it. So if a woman is walking around with a bad attitude for absolutely no reason, seems to believe that the world revolves around her, and just has an overall horrible personality and an unfavorable demeanor, well then I’m not gonna feel bad for calling her exactly what she is. Not saying that there aren’t some men who are just blatantly disrespectful and are perfectly fine with that. But don’t assume that just because a man uses that word, that he’s some kind of misogynist. I believe that if a woman carries herself well and deserves respect, that’s what I will give her. Otherwise, why bother? So ladies, next time you hear a man use the word out somewhere, don’t get offended, until you know his reasoning for using it.

Another instance where one may let the dreaded B word slip out is in casual conversation when referring to a random young lady. I have a theory as to why so many men do this on a daily basis. If you are around women who continually refer to each other as “bitch,” well then eventually this will become a part of your everyday vocabulary. Soooo…it’s kinda your fault, ladies. Plus you know the old saying: “If all men are dogs, then all women are bitches”

Too far? Oh well…cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

Questions? Comments? Where my bitches at?

Get Real...Part 3

Here at MyShogBag, we touch on many different subjects, but we must say behind the humor of each subject there is a truth and seriousness. Now in this particular instance, the one thing that bothers us is the misuse of the word "Ghetto". A ghetto is a portion of a city in which the underprivileged (minorities) live due to the social, legal, or economic pressures. Hence in the English language this classifies the word "Ghetto" as a noun; a person, place, or thing. So let's get it RIGHT people.

So let’s discuss how the context of the word has been used incorrectly. One thing that grinds our gears is when people (mostly our friends with less pigment) use "ghetto" or "urban" as an adjective. We feel as though these words are just being used interchangeably with the words "black people". So let us all become enlightened. Anyone can "LIVE" in the "GHETTO". Hence, you have heard of a Jewish Ghetto, Black Ghetto, Mexican Ghetto, etc.

So the next time your hear Britney and Becky say “OH EM GEE!...That’s so ghetto,” take her ass to the real hood and let Pookie and nem show that bitch what the real definition of ghetto is.

Negro Please

For those of you who don't know who Michael Steele is, he's the first black head of the Republican National Committee. But not even Carlton Banks stooped this low for the Republican Party. When I first heard that a black man was the head of the GOP, I tried not to write it off as another Uncle Tom shucking and jiving fo’ massah. I tried to think positive; maybe this “brother” will be able to bring diversity to the group and change the way the GOP think about black people. Maybe he’ll show the younger generation that they don’t have to vote Democrat just because they are black. Damn, was I wrong about this guy. This is the house slave that told the master when the field slaves were taking a break instead of working. I didn’t even know such coonery existed on a high level like this. It’s bad enough we have the kings of all coons, Soulja Boy and Plies, lurking at every corner, but aren’t people with law degrees supposed to be smarter than them. I somewhat respected the dude for having the balls to stand up for affirmative action despite being the RNC chairman. I almost felt sorry for him when I read that, during a debate, a gang of Oreo cookies that were handed out as a snack, somehow had found their way over to his desk and had been rolled at his feet during the debate (true story). Not anymore. Not after watching this video.

http://wonkette.com/409846/michael-steele-to-woo-black-people-with-certain-food-items.

Now again, for the lazy people who don’t watch the video, I will sum this up. A blogger asks Michael Steele how he plans to get more of a diverse population in the Republican Party. He answers that he’ll just ask them to come out as they already have and continue to invite them. Some fool in the background then yells “I’ll bring the collard greens.” Instead of ignoring the dude or hitting him with a witty comeback, Steele replies, “I’ll bring the fried chicken and potato salad.” Nigga what? You disloyal, fool ass, bitch-made punk. I had to stop the video after that, so I didn’t see if he went into a tap dance rendition towards the end or not. He should be sharp enough to know when he is being ridiculed. For God’s sake he’s a black Republican. He’s probably heard more “nigger” jokes and “chitlin” jokes than anybody I’ve ever known. I’m not saying to go Ike Turner and whoop the dude’s ass, but got damn, have some kind of a backbone. Maybe if we could go back and put O-Dog and A-Wax next to him so they could gas him up to get his revenge like they did Cain in Menace II Society. “Say Mike, you akkin, like a real bitch right now.”

Somebody tell Uncle Ruckus (from the boondock’s) that this is not how you handle a heckler. If this was the 60’s he would be the only black person to bring a noose to his own hanging. Don’t want the white man to do any extra work now do we? Michael Steele, you receive the epic fail of the day. Mark ass buster!

There are very few situations in which I willingly buy a woman a drink if I’m at a bar or a club: If I came with you and/or if we are more or less cool with each other. And chances are when I buy that drink, I fully expect you to get the next round. Either that, or you’ll be drinking water while I continue to sip on this brown likka. I know what some of you are probably thinking. I’m not cheap. It’s just that I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to get you so drunk to where I’m trying to take advantage of you. So in reality, I’m being a gentleman. Matter of fact, ladies, the next time you see me out you should buy me a drink for being so considerate. Another rule I have while going out is keeping the compliments to a minimum. I know every woman likes to be complimented on her hair/dress/shoes or whatever. I might throw a subtle one over the course of a night, but that’s it. It’s not that I don’t notice the things you did to make yourself look cute, I just don’t feel like I need to tell you the same thing you’ve heard from 20 dudes already. Especially if we’re dealing with a sausage fest.

Some guys, however, will go above and beyond to get the attention of a woman. They throw a slew of overly exaggerated compliments to her throughout the night; a term commonly referred to as “gassing up.” They hover over this poor young lady the whole night; afraid to let her out of his sight for fear that she may meet someone else and have an actual conversation. Their best pick up lines include “Psst…say girl…come here” or they just go for the gusto and grab her arm. They will buy her and her friends unlimited drinks at the bar in what, I believe, is an effort to make it seem as if they have a lot of disposable income. Has anybody seen this guy in the club? Sure you have. He is what we call the resident “SIMP.” Unfortunately, this guy seems to be everywhere you look these days. And while this guy can be a hindrance to real men who actually know how to approach and have a conversation with them, he can also be a blessing in disguise. So I pose this question to you: Are simps a gift or a curse to the other real dudes out there?

Anti-Simp - This is where the simp can hurt you while out for a night. It’s actually quite simple. Let’s say you see someone who you would like to approach while out, but the simp got to her first. By displaying the characteristics above, he will very rarely let her out of his sight or out of talking distance. This will make it very difficult for you to even have enough time or space to approach. Let’s say you are able to steal a minute of her free time. The simp can sense when another, more qualified male is threatening his target of interest. He will then once again approach the young lady, this time to tell her that he has some shots waiting at the bar. But not just any shot. No, the simp has studied women long enough to know that the shot of choice at the time is the “Royal Fuck,” something that no woman aged 21-26 can resist. He’s a sly little devil. He can beat you in a variety of ways. The most common way is that he succeeds in getting the young lady tipsy enough to where she becomes either tired or belligerent. At this point, it will become an annoying task to even try to talk to her. So you cut your losses. You can’t even try talking to one of her cute friends because they all saw you trying to talk to her earlier, and we all know that no woman in history would go behind her friends back and talk to you at this point.

Pro-Simp - But sometimes these guys can be helpful to the rest of us out there. Some ladies are actually smart enough to spot them from a mile away and will openly exploit his simpness to get enough of a buzz and move on. This is what T-Pain and his BIG ASS CHAIN call “chopped and screwed.” So now that she has a slight buzz, the woman you want to approach is ready to have a grand ol time. When you are able to go up to her and talk to her like a mature adult, she will be shocked and caught off guard. The fact that your simp level is drastically low amongst sea of simps will be unbelievable. For, if there were no simps in this world, then the realness wouldn’t be such a sought out characteristic for the rest of us.

So let the debate begin. What’s the opinion of the people? Am I not being SIMPathetic enough to the means that some men need to approach women?

Maybe It's You

Black women seem to complain all the time that they can’t find a good man out there or that they can’t find anybody to compliment them. There was a point in time where I was once sympathetic for you. I mean, the brothers were crossing over to White girls something serious. They got asses now, and of course they still give out dome on the regular. So I just figured it was how Nas best described it: Black Girl Lost. But after heavy consideration, that sympathy went away. There are no less Black men available now than there were 10, 20, or 30 years ago. Some bitches just don’t know what the hell they want. Now when I use the word bitch here, don’t take it as an insult. I simply don’t know every woman’s name in the world and this is the easiest way for me to get my point across.

I was motivated for this post after reading this article here in The Root (http://www.theroot.com/views/what-single-women-can-learn-michelle?page=0,0 ), and I couldn’t agree more. Now for those of you who are too lazy to click the link and read the article, I’ll sum it up for you. It points out the fact about how Black women are searching for this perfect man with all these outstanding qualities, but even if a man has the majority of these qualities, women still find the most insignificant thing to put him down or put him into the friend zone. The article gives an example of how some see Barack Obama as this man of their dreams, but on some real shit, it calls out Barack on some of his less than appealing qualities. However, Michelle was able to look past that 20 or so years ago and locked dude down, and look what she has now. Then again, he did have a Harvard degree....hmmmm

Another example that pisses me off was on the Black People Feel Good Movie, “Daddy’s Little Girls” starring Gabrielle Union and Stringer Bell…I mean Idris Alba (He will always be Stringer to me so that is how I will refer to him throughout this example)Stringer is a hard working, honest, good-looking dude (pause) trying to raise his three daughters. He meets an uppity Negro lawyer (Gabrielle Union) and they start feeling each other. Then her fellow uppity Negro friends try to tell her that dude ain’t good enough because he’s a limo driver and has another manual labor job. Which begs the side question: since when the fuck is Levita from the “Steve Harvey Show” and Joan from “Girlfriends” a credible source of dating advice? And the worst part is they were single too. Why the hell do women love to take relationship advice from women who are either single, are in a fucked up relationship themselves, or one who has been in very, very many relationships? If you have a friend who has been in a ton of relationships, it does not mean that he or she is fit to give advice; it simply means that they suck at relationships….that’s why they can’t keep one going.

The point here is for Black women out there to stop using excuses for not being able to find a good man. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have standards, but if you continue to hold every man you meet to impossible standards then, yes, it will be impossible for you to meet your Prince Charming. I’m sorry if I don’t fit your laundry list of qualifications, but don’t get mad when you don’t fit mine either. You want someone tall, dark, and muscular? That’s great, but that ain’t me. So don’t get mad when my list says I want a woman who is light-skinded, slender, with long hair. Don’t say you want a nice guy, but then give a dude the axe after the first date and say “he’s just too nice”? Didn’t you say you wanted a nice dude, or would you rather me put my foot up your ass before we order appetizers? You say you want a man to be aggressive, but if he tries to get some ass sooner than you would like to give it up your excuse is “I ain’t no hoe.”

If and when yall get your shit together, then maybe more Black men will get their shit together. Until then, be prepared to be the old single broad in the club. On second thought, I wouldn’t mind taking a cougar home from the club. In that case, forget everything I just said. Keep doing what you do.

That's So Stereotypical

We here at myshoebag do not condone racism in a hateful manner. We think it is rude to group individuals into a certain category because of his or her skin color. This is called a stereotype people, and that is not acceptable by any means. But there are some things very noticeable about various races that are true, which begs the question: can it be considered a stereotype if it’s true? For instance, if I say most Asians generally are pretty smart, is that really a stereotype? Think about it. When’s the last time you saw a homeless Asian? They must be doing something right. If I see a man walking around with a homoerotic porn stache, is it wrong if I think he’s a cop? No because it is a proven fact that 78% of cops have this. Some people don’t have control over their choices or their preferences. I don’t understand why Black people get so angry when others assume that we like chicken. Them shits is delicious. Maybe the country wouldn’t make this assumption if there wasn’t a fuckin riot breaking out because Popeye’s ran out of chicken. Not to mention the group of niggas that rolled up on a middle aged White couple and robbed them at gunpoint for a box of chicken (I can’t make this shit up people. Follow the link: http://www.news4jax.com/news/19133276/detail.html ). For instance, If I see a kid on leash, what color is his/her parents? That’s not to say that all White people put their kids on leashes, but you can be damn certain that if you see a kid on a leash, his/her parents are White. It’s also no secret that White people love to wear outdoor gear. It’s like they have to be ready at any and all times just in case a friend asks them to participate in some kind of outdoor activity like hiking, rock climbing, kayaking, etc. (There are too many stereotypes for White people >>>>> www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com ) Yes, they have customer accounts for Cabela’s and Eddie Bauer.

Ok so here are a few questions that I want to ask you just to see if the stereotypes are universally known. If everyone gives out the same answers, then these are no longer stereotypes. They are now human law.

1. If someone goes to investigate something random that is none of his or her concern, that person is:
a. Black
b. White
c. Native-American

2. If someone has their name written on the back window of their car, what race are they?
a. Middle Eastern/Indian
b. Hispanic
c. African (Like the original kind from Africa)

3. If you see someone drinking Cognac and/or other various brown liquors, what race is this person?
a. Black
b. Asian
c. Irish
4. If you see someone driving horribly, they are:
a. Asian
b. Old
c. Hispanic
d. Either or all of the above

Answers at the end of the post.

That was fun wasn’t it? Now, if you think that I’m just speaking on the subject without any proof, I have a story for you all. Everybody’s heard the jokes about how White people tend to go investigating things they have no business looking for, right? I thought this was a myth until I was an eye witness of it. True story: Me and two of my boys, one of them White, were standing on the corner of Chicon St. in East Austin (don’t ask me why, but I assure you we were not selling drugs). Anyway, out of nowhere some drunk in a truck starts driving crazy, swerving to and from each side of the street, driving into people’s yards and I think he even hit a tree or something like that. He was causing quite a ruckus, so a few people in the neighborhood came out to their yards to see what the commotion was. We know better to get into business that doesn’t concern us, so we stay put. Out comes some random White lady who walks over to me and my boys trying to see what happened, which of course we don’t know anything. The White lady, unsatisfied with our lack of knowledge of what happened then said these words that I will always remember, “I think I’m gonna go over there and see what’s going on.” We both turned and looked at our White friend with a look of confusion like “damn, I didn’t know White people REALLY did that shit.”
We tried to reassure our White friend that there was nothing to be ashamed of. And he knew that because of his fellow Caucasian’s skin color, she had no choice but to go and see what happened in that situation. Well, it’s time for a break and I’m getting pretty hungry. Guess what I’m gonna eat for lunch?

Answer Key: 1) B. refer to above story 2)B. 3 ) Trick question; Irish people will drink any and everything. A or C is acceptable. 4)D.

Women With Glasses

I don’t know when it started, but as of late I’ve had a “thing” for women with glasses. I can’t say why this is the case. Back in middle school and high school, the only reason to chill with the girls who wore glasses was to use her enough so that she would hopefully let you cheat off of her test in first period. I can’t even say there’s anything particularly intriguing about them, but whatever it is, it’s captivating. I’ve come up with a few reasons as to why these women may or may not have that special something that just makes you want to jump their bones. Let’s explore.

Intelligence – This probably goes back to that one teacher you had in high school…you know the one who you wanted to bend over her desk after class. Yep… that one. Every man wants a woman with brains and beauty. In addition to a nice pair of sweater puppies and a donk, intelligence is also very sexy, and women with glasses just seem smarter than those without. Nobody wants to wife the dumb broad. I prefer a more stimulating conversation besides whether or not LC and Heidi will make up on next week’s episode of The Hills.

Style – Even if a young lady isn’t the brightest light on the Christmas tree, she can get a pass if she’s a fly bitch (Disclaimer: That word “bitch” is meant entirely as a compliment.) I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: “A chick with a wack shoe game is an automatic deal breaker.” These kinds of things are important. If a woman has enough style sense that she can turn an everyday necessity into fashion accessory, then that’s the kind of woman for me. She’s the kind of woman who you take out in public and make heads turn. Only when people turn their heads, they aren’t doing a double-take and laughing at you behind your back.

Mystique – This may be the best explanation of why the woman with the glasses gets my juices flowing. I can’t decipher if she’s hiding something or not; whether she’s a good girl trying to be bad or a bad girl trying to be good. Either way, this can be played to my advantage. You might notice this young lady sitting at the desk next to yours at work. You always see her in such a professional and classy manner then when you go out after work you see her at happy hour knocking back shots of Don Julio, completely unaware of the fact that she’s giving the whole bar crotch shots like Britney Spears… the fine one, not the crazy bitch (Disclaimer: The word “bitch” is used entirely as an adjective to describe how fucked the fuck up she was). Now you can’t even focus on those TPS reports that are due when you come back to the office because all you can think of is taking her to one of the empty conference rooms and going to work on her like a Mexican standing in front of Home Depot.

I can’t be the only one who has become taken with the “lady in the glasses.” Questions, comments, want to go to Lens Crafters or Eye Masters to pick up some ladies? Leave a comment below or email us at myshoebag@live.com

The New Wingman

In the last post we discovered the benefits of having an attractive white female for a friend, and how she can help you in your endeavors to hunt prey...er uhh... pursue a young lady while out for a night on the town. My same white female friend dropped another gem on me about the potential benefits of hanging with a not-so-attractive lady friend. That got me to thinking. Is there a new wingman in town? I mean if your main objective is to go out and pick up women, the only purpose your boys serve, is if your target of choice has Purse Patrol with her. So what are the benefits of having the beautifully challenged associate as opposed to a “bad bitch” by your side? I’m glad you asked. Let’s go out for night on the town.

Scenario 1: (Insert Beautiful Friend) So you’re out, having a good time and drinking with your friend. To the unsuspecting mind of a woman, this is either your girlfriend or the girl that you are trying to do something with in the very least. Why else would you be out with her anyway, right? Even though they will deny it to the grave, women are intimidated by other attractive women, no matter how high their self esteem is. Now that you know this, you will see that her thought process is telling her that she will have to do something other than just looking good to draw your attention away from your “girl-friend.” Attractive women are lazy, though. They’ve never had to work for anything, and they can generally get anything they want with a little flirting and showing of the goods. But when presented with a challenge they will shy away, (Side note: I know this because I read it on wikipedia, which is always true) unless of course she’s a whore, which is fair game in my book.

Scenario 2: (Insert friend with a heavy resemblance to Whoopi Goldberg) So you’re out, having a good time and drinking with your friend. To the mind of an attractive woman, you’re not a shallow person concerned with looks alone, therefore you won’t go chasing after every piece of scattered ass that you see passing by. This is a wonderful characteristic to possess because women will now believe that you are more concerned with who they are as a person (laughs uncontrollably), and they will see potential in you. On the other hand she will also say to herself, “This guy can do so much better.” And when Whoopi goes to the bathroom, you will be approached by the attractive young lady. The next step is important: do NOT immediately go for the kill, unless it’s just that easy. Play that nice guy role, but don’t be a simp. You don’t want her to know your true intentions until you get the drawz. Whether or not you disclose to her, that Ugly Betty is just your friend right then and there, is not necessarily important.

And there you have it. Now, go to the clubs, my flock, and test these theories. If they are successful, we do accept donations for providing an analysis and dating guideline for you. If they are not successful…well, maybe it’s just you. Good Luck!
For more relationship advice, please submit any questions you may have to myshoebag@live.com

Snowflakes

Last night I attended a party that I really had no interest in going to, but I had no other choice but to do so. I was presented with a theory that may help out black men for years to come. While posted up on the wall next to an attractive white female friend, she asked me whether or not I minded her hanging around, for fear that she might be “blocking” or throwing salt in my game, seeing as how there was an abundance of scattered ass around. I told her I didn’t mind. The next words out of her mouth changed my perspective on black/white relations…probably forever: “Maybe, I’m helping you out anyway. When other black girls see you with a white girl, they’re gonna think, ‘I need to take him from that white girl.’” OMG!!! Why haven’t I thought of this before? Besides the fact that white people always buy drinks for their friends and offer to pay for everything, this is the first time that I felt that I could take full advantage of my relationship with my white friends. Okay, maybe not the first, but you get the point.

I was always aware of the fact that my white male counterparts benefited when they hung out with me and our black friends. White girls and other non-black minorities see him as having enough danger and fortitude to actually hang out with black people, however enough safety and comfort to be with because, after all, he still is white. This even works with black girls. They see the white guy who has been accepted by the black race, so he must have done something to prove that he was “down” and/or “real.”

Now it’s our turn. Having white female friends will benefit black men no matter what race of women it is that you prefer. Of course, if your preference is black women, the theory mentioned in the first paragraph is for you. Spot the girl(s) in the club/party that you want to pursue. Go up to them, introduce yourself, flirt, and whatever else it is that you might do to get a woman’s attention. Now, if she’s feeling you and you “layed your game down quite flat” (C. Wallace. I Got A Story To Tell. 1997), she will be checking for you throughout the night. Return to your snowflake friend and be a little more friendly than usual. We know for a fact that 95% of black women hate to see a black man with a white woman, even though they won’t admit it. This is when her mind set will turn to stealing you back from the white girl. And you win.

Let’s say you have a thing for white girls (or whatever other race). The majority of all non-blacks see black men as threatening and dangerous to society. When you are gentle and friendly with a white girl in a public setting, other non-black women will see you how comfortable the white girl is in your presence and think, “Hey, he’s not like the rest of them. I’ll give him a chance.” And again, you win.

Moral of the story invest in a friendship with an attractive white woman. This theory will not work if she is overweight or unattractive. Then you become that black guy, who the only white girls he can get are fat, ugly PWT. Yeah, you know one or two of them. If all else fails and you hang around this white friend long enough, she will eventually want to take a dip of the chocolate. And again, you win!

Let It Vent

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this vital PSA from My Shoe Bag. There has been another epidemic that has been running rampant particularly in the Hispanic and African American communities, or what sociologists like to refer to as “urban” or “inner-city”. What’s going on? Venting. Yes, this is when someone decides to put custom vents on the side of their vehicle. To all people who have been found guilty of this crime, please remove your vents immediately. And if you were contemplating the idea of possibly adding these vents to your vehicle, please refrain from doing so. It does not make your car look more aerodynamic, nor does it make you look cool. It makes you look quite the opposite in fact. If your car was not manufactured with these vents in place (i.e. GM vehicles made after 2006), there is absolutely no reason to have them. I promise you, your pussy rate will not increase if you add them onto your ’93 Mazda Protégé. Trust me. I had one. When Pimp C said, “They wanna fuck my car” this was not intended in referencing the aforementioned automobile. As if writing “Ramirez” on your back windshield didn’t already devalue your pickup truck already, adding these vents will further decrease the resale value if/when you ever decide to upgrade. Hopefully this will not continue to spread and all late eighties to early nineties model GM vehicles that seem to be so popular in the hood can be salvaged.

We now return to your regularly scheduled broadcasting.

Snap Out of It: Part 2

In this week’s installment of “Snap Out of It”, we want to address another issue that has been a thorn in our sides for quite some time, the infamous skinny jeans. This is directed towards you men…you grown ass men out there who wish to wear these particular garments. How is this shit even cool? That’s not a rhetorical question. Can someone please answer this for me? Is it because Kanye and Lil Wayne made it popular? Before you go and copy everything these two do, take note that Kanye West was just rockin a shag that was about 2 weeks away from looking like Randy Watson. And Wayne…well he does kiss men, and is a drugged out supposed syrup-head. Are you guys just fans of the whole hipster rap movement (i.e. The Cool Kids, Charles Hamilton, Kidz in the Hall)? It doesn’t matter. There is no excuse whatsoever to rock a pair of pants that fuckin tight. Nobody wants to see your camel tail. You and your girl shouldn’t be having arguments because you can’t figure out whose jeans belong to who. The following conversation should never happen:

Your Boy: Yo man, why did you and your girl break up?

You: Man, she kept wearing my jeans. That bitch know she a size 4, and I’m a size 6

I like to consider myself as someone with a good amount of fashion sense, and it’s generally not in my nature to knock another man’s sense of style, unless you’re just trying too hard (you all know who you are). But this is a drastic situation. I’m certainly not saying that wearing extra baggy clothes is much better. We definitely don’t need to bring Jnco’s back, but you can’t convince me that these jeans are comfortable. It’s gonna be a sad day when you make a sudden movement and you bust one of your nuts. I don’t mean that in a good way. Consider yourself warned.

Thug Life???

“There is no such thing as a thug in college”

First of all, I gotta shout out to the homie V-Mac for coining the title of this blog post. We here at MyShoeBag are all college graduates. I know that’s hard to believe for some, but it’s true. That being said, we have always wondered why members of certain groups (ahem, middle to upper-class black guys) go out of their way to portray a “street” or “thug” persona while in college. Stop that shit….now. There’s no such thing as a thug in college. Seriously.

We don’t give a shit what hood you’re from (subdivision), how poor (middle-class) you were growing up, or what set (dance crew) you claim. You are in college. You go to BIO 1401 lab. You eat at a dining hall. You live in a dorm. I bet you even had to recite some shitty poem you wrote for a creative writing course, and you probably tried to rap it. Poorly.

But what’s even more intriguing is the fact that most “thugs” in college sure seem to come from pretty stable backgrounds complete with two-story homes, backyard pools, and loving parents; a stable upbringing in Suburbia, USA. However, some members of “certain groups” seem to feel the need to create a brand-new personality filled with Z-Ro, stunna shades, incorrect grammar, and a reeeaallllyy loud bark with no bite. But, when shit pops off, they are nowhere to be found. You didn’t even see what was going on, right? Damn, you had no idea they were talking to YOU, right?

Here’s the thing, all you wannabe d-boys. Real thugs would never be in college (except for Stringer Bell). Real thugs don’t give a shit about the future and only think from one day to the next. If crack still sells, guns still provide protection, and the weed is still sticky, thugs will stay in the ‘hood. If you have ever attended a floor meeting in a college dorm or some other pointless ass college activity, you care about your future. Thugs don’t have time for all that because that means they are ultimately wasting time; and we all know that time is money. The only thing a thug sees in college is 40,000 students, most of whom likely smoke weed. Granted, there probably are former thugs in college, but if they were lucky enough to escape their past, they sure as hell aren’t busy glorifying it.

Moral of the story: Be yourself. Be proud of your suburban background. Wear what you wore to high school and don’t all of a sudden find a drawl on steroids or a closet full of tall tees. Be proud of the boring ass upbringing you had. Some people would kill for that shit.

And one last reason why you shouldn’t play the thug role in college is because you will get your card pulled at some point. Trust me. We’ve seen it happen. It ain’t pretty. And plus, the College Republicans always need that one black guy anyway. Go for it.

Watch Ya Mouf

True story. Some kid in L.A. is trying to implement a no cursing week. McKay Hatch is a 15 year old in Pasadena, CA who contacted the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors about some club he started that is dedicated to not using any curse words, and these assholes actually approved it. So for the first week in March, they have issued a proclamation of no swearing. Well, I only have one thing to say about this: Get the FUCK outta here. Is he supposed to get applauded for not doing something that most parents have told their kids not to do for countless generations? I’m reading on Yahoo! right now that this young man just wanted to bring “awareness” to the situation, and for everyone to “be respectful of one another,” as if I’m not aware of the fact that I cuss all the fuckin time, anyway. This can only mean one thing. This kid has to be a genius. Before we get into that though, let’s first take time to say thank you to L.A. County for focusing on this grave issue that is affecting the educational system. Who gives a shit if kids can’t read, as long as they’re not cursing, right? And another thing – I’m tired of fucking “awareness” movements. I’m aware there’s a lot of fucked up shit in the world, but making people more “aware” doesn’t do jack ass shit to fix any problems. From now on, “awareness” means “look at me, I want attention for being a pretentious do-nothing tool”.

But back to the lesson at hand (shout out to Snoop)…

But, like I say, maybe this kid is a genius ahead of his time. Think about it, he is getting national attention for this. So that probably means he is chopping down all of the promiscuous freshmen that walk the halls of his school, even a few less attractive upper classmen. Ehhh, but then again, the article also states that he spent a lot of time forming a “No Cussing Club” complete with t-shirts, a website and a hip hop theme song. (Stifling laughter) Sorry about that. On second thought maybe this guy is just another virgin whose nuts haven’t descended enough for him to actually be interested in girls yet. Yeah, I was a virgin at 15 too, but that didn’t stop me from trying to plow pretty much every girl that walked past me. At least his club and his website have generated 20,000 followers to keep his attention. This increases the odds that one of those followers will be an attractive young lady (who has yet to realize her potential) and McKay Hatch can blast off a few knuckle children to her profile pictures. Just be careful to aim away from the computer. Once you get man milk in between the keys of your keyboard, it don’t come out…..so I’ve heard.

Now, I have to go warn a few of my friends out on the left coast that they can’t curse this week. Does that mean they can’t watch any Samuel L. Jackson movies this week, either?

Higher Learning

Not going to work during the middle of the week is a Catch-22 for me. Yeah, I don’t have to put up with the daily bullshit and co-workers on that day, but I have to suffer through something else that might be a little worse. If you notice, the commercials that you watch target a dramatically different demographic at about the noon time period. This is when most unemployed, weed heads, and general day to day ne’er do wells decide to wake up and become productive. Fear not. If you dregs of society watch some of your local programming, you will find the keys to your future. Don’t you know that if you go to Everest College, you can learn a skillful trade and get a degree in two years, unlike your dumbass friends who decided to go to a four year accredited university? Who really wants to live in a co-ed dorm with, basically, in house poon walking around on a daily basis?

I’m not even going to attack the “students” who decide to attend one of these “schools.” It’s commendable that you want to at least make an effort to do something with your life, despite the fact that you are being sadly misguided. Unfortunately, the stellar public schools in our great nation are better at preparing “the youth” for these schools than for real colleges. No Thug Left Behind, courtesy of Dubya and “Tha Congress”.

No, this is for DeVry, ITT Tech, and the black dude on the Everest commercials. Do you really believe that people are stupid enough to believe that a two year associates engineering degree (read: spending an hour with the local mechanic at the auto shop twice a week) is gonna alter their life dramatically? What’s even worse is when they show the 21 year old high school dropout mother with 3 kids, who got her nurse’s aide certificate showing how happy she is that she can support her family with a job that she is proud of. Bitch please. Is that 24 stacks a year she pulling down in her “career” better than the $500 a night she was banking at the Player’s Club? Straight cash, homie. Did anybody think of how this would affect the kids? Now, baby Joker, Miguel, and Smiley don’t even get real orange juice for breakfast. All Mom can afford is Tampico Orange Flavored Drink. No more Jordan’s for the little ones. Instead they show up to school rockin the standard issue Riddells or Ponys from Oshman’s and Academy. Now, they’re unhealthy and socially inept. They can’t concentrate in school, so eventually they drop out, have three kids of their own, and start selling drugs. Upon their release from the county, they see a commercial for….you guessed it: This nigga telling them to pick up the phone and “call Everest NOW!” And the cycle continues.

Am I reading too far into this? Am I thinking about “the youth” too much? I guess I can’t be too mad, if it weren’t for these schools, I wouldn’t have any graduates to change my oil. Thanks guys.

Evolutionofdorianb.blogspot.com...

We at My Shoe Bag want to take this time out to give some love to our girl D, over at evolutionofdorianb.blogspot.com. For the lastest in entertainment news and celebrity gossip, she got the game on lock.

Snap Out of It!!!

Anybody ever been grocery shopping and you see a kid misbehaving? Why is it that the parent decides that the best way to get the kid to act right is through the use of logical reasoning, and talking to the kid? Doesn’t that make you want to tell the parents, “Snap Out of It,” followed by a slap. Seriously, your child is your personal property. You should be able to do with it what you will (within reason). This includes whooping his/her ass on a daily basis if need be.

That’s what this latest segment will be catered to. So let’s jump in head first to the first subject of the week. This is something that really gets under my skin. I hope no one is offended by this, but if you are, well…then fix the problem and this article will no longer be about you. I REALLY HATE IT WHEN FAT PEOPLE WEAR SHORTS, and the shorts go up between their legs; or when they wear a shirt that is too small, and I can see their pot belly.

It’s like having your draws in your ass, but they are between your legs instead. I know you notice it or at least feel it when the skin from your legs rubs together. No one wants to see the wrinkle of your upper thigh. GOSH!!!! It’s disgusting and shows no respect for the people around you.

Please hide your pot belly with a bigger shirt. That’s all that needs to be said about that. Not sexy.

Here are 3 solutions for you, with the first one being the only option you should really have.

Option 1: Lose weight. Not being funny, but it’s for your own benefit. Believe me, it will make life easier

Option 2: Wear tights under your shorts or get bigger ones. The tights help, but you might get hot. Then you will sweat. Then you will smell

Option 3: Have a friend pull it out for you every time it happens.

Please take care of this problem immediately.

Signing Out

FWD:FWD:FWD: FUCK OFF!

Don’t you guys just love the holidays? Good food, good family, and good times. Every time we host a holiday dinner at my folks’ house, after everybody has a full stomach and darkness falls, my stepdad will send me to the car to get his celebratory handle of Crown Royal. Eventually the dominoes come out and after pouring up with my family, we make our way to the second bottle out of my brother’s car. There’s nothing like being halfway drunk, taking pictures with my family, and talking shit to my cousins and uncles as I bust heads at the domino table. However, recently I haven’t been able to enjoy this favorite pastime of mine. Not because I’m getting beat at the domino table, but because my damn phone keeps going off non-stop with a lot of text messages. And the general message looks something like this:

“FWD: FWD: FWD: Hope u n ur fam have a Merry Christmas. Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season. God bless.”

Ok, so where should I start? How about if I’m a person that doesn’t have unlimited texts? Where’s the sympathy for the broke ass people who can’t pony up the extra $5 to get an unlimited text plan. Or should I just go with the fact that you don’t give two fucks about my family, and whether or not they have a happy holiday? Seriously if you’ve never met my family, and I haven’t talked to you in 6 months, you don’t care whether or not my drunk ass aunts and uncles enjoy themselves. And do I really need to be reminded of the fact that Christmas is Jesus’ “birthday?” Like I wasn’t forced to be in the church Christmas play for 3 years straight, or to be at Mass at 8am Christmas morning with a serious hangover. Don’t think for one second, that just because you threw in some religious implications, your message isn't automatically deleted. Is that supposed to guilt me into sending you a response? Get real.

I’m not trying to be extra insensitive. I really do appreciate the thought that you added me to your mass text message list…I really do. But I do not appreciate the gesture at all. On second thought, how impersonal is that shit? Refrain from sending me the same bullshit that you sent to the other 400 people in your phone, and trying to pass that shit off as a personal sentiment to me and only me. Come to think of it….fuck it. Erase my number.

Breaking News: Leprechaun Captured in Mobile, AL

Mobile, Alabama - Reports have been confirmed that the leprechaun who has terrorized the streets of Mobile, Alabama for over two years has been apprehended by local authorities. After a three hour standoff in a barn located in the deep woods, police were able to subdue and bring the suspect in for questioning. Though charges against the leprechaun were not initially released to the public, there have been whispers that the suspect is being held at an undisclosed facility without bond until he is set to be arraigned. A witness who wishes to remain unidentified has been credited with releasing the most valuable piece of information to authorities, after he presented a life like sketch of the leprechaun. MyShoeBag was able to catch up with the unnamed witness earlier today, who said he picked up the art of sketching while attending a local community college. When asked whether or not he was an art major, the witness replied, “No, I went to school for comprutas.”

In an exclusive interview with MSB reporters, the leprechaun maintained his innocence, saying the only crime that he had committed was “being a green man in America.” If lab tests confirm that fingerprints found on a magic flute, which is believed to enable its user to cast spells over others, belong to the suspect in question, he will be officially charged with 3 counts of terrorism by a Non-American citizen.

The standoff began after a local man uprooted a tree with a back hoe, believed to be the hideout of the leprechaun by many residents of the neighborhood. Local hero Q’Andre Marshall remained humble, however, even after receiving the key to the city for Acts of Bravery. Reporters swarmed Marshall with questions of how he was able to display such courage in a stressful situation, in which he excitedly responded, “I jes’ wanted the gol’.” Though no gold was confiscated from the scene authorities have began a thorough investigation to uncover whether or not the leprechaun was working with anyone in the neighborhood to see if he was tipped off before his immanent arrest.

The case remains open as of press release.

Diversity, Shmemersity

And now back to one of My Shoe Bag’s favorite topics: Race.

While performing our duties as media-influenced consuming Americans, we’ve noticed something about this so-called “diversity” thing. Take for instance, the black-themed car commercials: they usually take place at night, a black guy and his woman are driving to the club in a black car along shiny, rain soaked streets with a smooth hip-hop and/or jazzy beat in the background. Also take notice of how the various “Dr. Miracles” commercials (self-explanatory) don’t apply to this observation. However, all one has to do is turn on a television and catch any non-black themed commercial, TV show, or movie to notice something significantly un-“diverse”. As a matter of fact, open a newspaper and scroll up and down the ladies featured in your local Target or Macy’s advertisement. Do you see women of color? Of course. Sexy Asians? Check. Spicy Latinas? Check. Sultry Black women? Ehhh…. Sort of.

The only black women featured in mass media campaigns NOT geared specifically towards black folks sure look different from most of the black women we grew up around. Notice how light-skinned they are? Notice how curly the hair is? Notice how stereotypically white the facial features are? Of course you do. You just never realized it before.

Pay attention, lazy Americans. Mass media in America claims “diversity” and rightfully stock their model tanks with ethnic women, but where are all of the good old-fashioned attractive black women who aren’t mixed, extra light-skinned, or don’t possess white-influenced curly hair? No, seriously, where are they? Did recruiting agencies just forget? We sure doubt it. Our theory? We think these lame ass various media companies try to find the most non-ethnic ethnic women they can find, claim diversity, and hopefully don’t offend Chet and Becky while they are having lattes and croissants over their Sunday New York Times.

We want to see some real diversity, America. Is that too much to ask? In this world, it probably is. But until we do, we here at MyShoeBag are going to be out in the streets, reporting on the real world and telling it like it is. Get used to it, America.

R. Kelly v Chris Brown

Hello World,

In this section, we will review (double standards) two singers that have somehow got themselves into more trouble than one of BeBe’s kids playing on a fence. Just incase you were hiding with Bin Ladin or in a coma I will catch you up to the situation then give you all different point of views.

Culprit #1: R. Kelly: He was accused of being a pisser. Some how he managed to piss on a teenage girl…on tape…and thought nothing was wrong with the entire situation. Really? He should have known something was wrong with it when the thought of just squirting yellowish liquid over a little girl. Looks like someone has been taking his FloMax. But seriously, how does that even translate to sex? Like, if I walk around pissing on myself all day, will my pussy rate increase? But that’s not the point right now.

Culprit #2: Chris Brown: We see a little “kiss-kiss” went a little too far. No one wants to wake up from a slumber and see some “nerd candy” looking figure on his lip. But lets get back on track. He is now looked down upon by the public for going “Ape Shit on her ass” and “coming at her like a Spider Monkey”. After all, on the radio, they did say she had two knots on her forehand looking like a ram. To sum all this up though, Chris Brown beat up his girlfriend Rihanna. Word came out that he even choked his little umbrella toting princess. Damn, RiRi, how DO you breathe with no air?

Since the recent actions of Chris Brown, some radio stations have stopped playing his music because of the dispute he had with his girlfriend. Do you really think this is fair? In the U.S. alone 5 wives or girlfriends get beat everyday (sited from myself) and no one treats them any different. But on the other hand, R. Kelly pisses on someone and can still make songs talking about “let me pour up a glass of lemonade” to be played on the radio? Not saying one is more right than the other, but where should the line be drawn? How is a known pedophile and pisser still getting this kind of support? In the beating case, the woman was hitting back, and, this is just me speaking, but if she hit me I’m gonna hit her harder.

The question is this: should Chris Breezy’s songs be banned from the radio and not Robert Kelly? Both were wrong, but what Chris Brown did is not anything new so why should he be treated any different? Any ladies care to offer their opinion? Would you rather your man hit you or piss on you?

Signing Out

The Honey Moon Is Over

I think most black people are coming down from the high of Barack Obama’s presidential inauguration. Despite turning Washington D.C. into the “Freak-Nik” of uppity Negroes with advanced degrees, the whole inauguration weekend was pretty conflict free. Except for Bill O’Reilly’s hating on Young Jeezy, that is. It’s not his fault that Toby Keith and Cowboy Troy’s Uncle Tom ass didn’t make an ode to Bush: “My President’s a Redneck, his tractor is blue…and I’ll be got damned if he don’t hate blacks too.”

Everybody is stressing to Obama how important it is for him to succeed in office so that Black people can continue on this path of “progression” (We still have a Black man cleaning up a White’s man mess, sounds like some plantation type shit to me). At My Shoe Bag, however, Mr. President, we want to stress that it’s not necessarily important that you succeed, it’s just crucial that you don’t fuck up. For the sake of all the children of the world whose name begins with a “Da” or “La” followed by a common name, (i.e. LaShawn), don’t fuck this up. And don’t believe for one second, that just because you won the election, black people will give you a free pass. It’s no secret that Black people are generally willing to do the work to get where we want to be, but tend to slack off whenever we get there. Yeah, it’s all good that Mane Mane is the first person in the family to go to college, but if he drops out, nobody is gonna be checking for little brother LaMarcus to make that leap into higher learning. That’s word to Remy. Getting to college is the easy part; graduating is the part that requires a little extra effort. If you were going to drop out, Mane Mane, you could’ve saved the tax payer’s money (read: my money) by not even bothering to fill out those damn FAFSA papers. You could’ve just as easily taken your ass to the military, gone to Iraq and taken a slug or two for the team, which probably would’ve happened if you had stayed in the hood anyway. At least then you would’ve got a Purple Heart and had something to show for it.

Pardon my random ramblings. The point is this, Mr. Obama: Black people have put you on a pedestal. I’m smart enough to know that you’re a politician and your participation in some kind of shady shit is just part of the package. Others have made you out to be Barack of Nazareth, but if you fuck this up for us we will go Pontius Pilot on that ass (no Judas). Michelle already made you move her mama into your house after you came up. If that ain’t some nigga shit, I don’t know what is. I’m gonna be real pissed if I wake up one day in mid-July and all of Michelle’s hood and country ass cousins are celebrating Madea’s family reunion at the white house. The White people are looking for you to do some coon ass shit; to them you’re just another nigga from the south side of the Chi, who got Xzibit to pimp his Cadillac.

But…maybe I’m paranoid, I got worried when I turned on the tv to see you giving your 2 cents about the A-Rod/steroids situation. I’m a pretty big Yankee fan, but with all due respect Mr. President, I would rather let the Steinbrenner’s and the MLBPA handle this. Don’t we have a fucked up economy or something like a war going on right now that’s a little more important to the administration? You can’t lose focus to talk about anything else besides digging this country out of the shit hole that it’s in already. Especially sports. It’s bad enough that white people are still jealous about the fact that we have the extra bone and/or muscle that makes us superior athletes. We already stole most major sports from them, they don’t need to watch Sports Center to be reminded that we now own the “Ultimate White Man’s Position of Power.” They’re just waiting to pay us back by either: A) never letting another black man into the white house again, or even worse B) letting a Mexican run the country (Mexicans don’t like Black people; it’s a proven fact). I’m gonna let you slide on this ONE because you weren’t fully aware of the situation. Now you know. So let me put it this way, since you’re such an avid basketball fan, act like you play on a team with Kobe; don’t expect any more passes.