Higher Learning

Not going to work during the middle of the week is a Catch-22 for me. Yeah, I don’t have to put up with the daily bullshit and co-workers on that day, but I have to suffer through something else that might be a little worse. If you notice, the commercials that you watch target a dramatically different demographic at about the noon time period. This is when most unemployed, weed heads, and general day to day ne’er do wells decide to wake up and become productive. Fear not. If you dregs of society watch some of your local programming, you will find the keys to your future. Don’t you know that if you go to Everest College, you can learn a skillful trade and get a degree in two years, unlike your dumbass friends who decided to go to a four year accredited university? Who really wants to live in a co-ed dorm with, basically, in house poon walking around on a daily basis?

I’m not even going to attack the “students” who decide to attend one of these “schools.” It’s commendable that you want to at least make an effort to do something with your life, despite the fact that you are being sadly misguided. Unfortunately, the stellar public schools in our great nation are better at preparing “the youth” for these schools than for real colleges. No Thug Left Behind, courtesy of Dubya and “Tha Congress”.

No, this is for DeVry, ITT Tech, and the black dude on the Everest commercials. Do you really believe that people are stupid enough to believe that a two year associates engineering degree (read: spending an hour with the local mechanic at the auto shop twice a week) is gonna alter their life dramatically? What’s even worse is when they show the 21 year old high school dropout mother with 3 kids, who got her nurse’s aide certificate showing how happy she is that she can support her family with a job that she is proud of. Bitch please. Is that 24 stacks a year she pulling down in her “career” better than the $500 a night she was banking at the Player’s Club? Straight cash, homie. Did anybody think of how this would affect the kids? Now, baby Joker, Miguel, and Smiley don’t even get real orange juice for breakfast. All Mom can afford is Tampico Orange Flavored Drink. No more Jordan’s for the little ones. Instead they show up to school rockin the standard issue Riddells or Ponys from Oshman’s and Academy. Now, they’re unhealthy and socially inept. They can’t concentrate in school, so eventually they drop out, have three kids of their own, and start selling drugs. Upon their release from the county, they see a commercial for….you guessed it: This nigga telling them to pick up the phone and “call Everest NOW!” And the cycle continues.

Am I reading too far into this? Am I thinking about “the youth” too much? I guess I can’t be too mad, if it weren’t for these schools, I wouldn’t have any graduates to change my oil. Thanks guys.