The Honey Moon Is Over

I think most black people are coming down from the high of Barack Obama’s presidential inauguration. Despite turning Washington D.C. into the “Freak-Nik” of uppity Negroes with advanced degrees, the whole inauguration weekend was pretty conflict free. Except for Bill O’Reilly’s hating on Young Jeezy, that is. It’s not his fault that Toby Keith and Cowboy Troy’s Uncle Tom ass didn’t make an ode to Bush: “My President’s a Redneck, his tractor is blue…and I’ll be got damned if he don’t hate blacks too.”

Everybody is stressing to Obama how important it is for him to succeed in office so that Black people can continue on this path of “progression” (We still have a Black man cleaning up a White’s man mess, sounds like some plantation type shit to me). At My Shoe Bag, however, Mr. President, we want to stress that it’s not necessarily important that you succeed, it’s just crucial that you don’t fuck up. For the sake of all the children of the world whose name begins with a “Da” or “La” followed by a common name, (i.e. LaShawn), don’t fuck this up. And don’t believe for one second, that just because you won the election, black people will give you a free pass. It’s no secret that Black people are generally willing to do the work to get where we want to be, but tend to slack off whenever we get there. Yeah, it’s all good that Mane Mane is the first person in the family to go to college, but if he drops out, nobody is gonna be checking for little brother LaMarcus to make that leap into higher learning. That’s word to Remy. Getting to college is the easy part; graduating is the part that requires a little extra effort. If you were going to drop out, Mane Mane, you could’ve saved the tax payer’s money (read: my money) by not even bothering to fill out those damn FAFSA papers. You could’ve just as easily taken your ass to the military, gone to Iraq and taken a slug or two for the team, which probably would’ve happened if you had stayed in the hood anyway. At least then you would’ve got a Purple Heart and had something to show for it.

Pardon my random ramblings. The point is this, Mr. Obama: Black people have put you on a pedestal. I’m smart enough to know that you’re a politician and your participation in some kind of shady shit is just part of the package. Others have made you out to be Barack of Nazareth, but if you fuck this up for us we will go Pontius Pilot on that ass (no Judas). Michelle already made you move her mama into your house after you came up. If that ain’t some nigga shit, I don’t know what is. I’m gonna be real pissed if I wake up one day in mid-July and all of Michelle’s hood and country ass cousins are celebrating Madea’s family reunion at the white house. The White people are looking for you to do some coon ass shit; to them you’re just another nigga from the south side of the Chi, who got Xzibit to pimp his Cadillac.

But…maybe I’m paranoid, I got worried when I turned on the tv to see you giving your 2 cents about the A-Rod/steroids situation. I’m a pretty big Yankee fan, but with all due respect Mr. President, I would rather let the Steinbrenner’s and the MLBPA handle this. Don’t we have a fucked up economy or something like a war going on right now that’s a little more important to the administration? You can’t lose focus to talk about anything else besides digging this country out of the shit hole that it’s in already. Especially sports. It’s bad enough that white people are still jealous about the fact that we have the extra bone and/or muscle that makes us superior athletes. We already stole most major sports from them, they don’t need to watch Sports Center to be reminded that we now own the “Ultimate White Man’s Position of Power.” They’re just waiting to pay us back by either: A) never letting another black man into the white house again, or even worse B) letting a Mexican run the country (Mexicans don’t like Black people; it’s a proven fact). I’m gonna let you slide on this ONE because you weren’t fully aware of the situation. Now you know. So let me put it this way, since you’re such an avid basketball fan, act like you play on a team with Kobe; don’t expect any more passes.