Boo-Vember

It’s that time of year again people. The temperature is dropping. More layers of clothing are coming on. Soon it’ll be too cold to go out every night of every weekend to go out and chase skirts. So you know what that means…it’s officially Cuffing Season out there. Or as my boy The Hoss likes to call it, “Boo-vember”. So what exactly is cuffing season? That’s when you find that person that maybe you just met, or maybe you’ve been banging them out all summer and they were such a good lay that you figured, “Hey, I think I’ll just cuddle up with this person on those cold lonely nights and watch something from Netflix.” Wait, most of yall who read this are black, so you probably hit the Redbox at your nearest Wal-Mart. Either way it’s important that you spend your Cuffing Season wisely. Oh yes, there are rules to Cuffing Season, and if they aren’t followed disaster can surely strike. So here are my 4 Rules To A Safe and Happy Cuffing Season:

1. Stop. Look. Listen. Take the time to notice your surroundings. Notice someone cute over there eye fucking you in the corner? Go over and get em. A lot of people are vulnerable around this time of year. Pay attention to your surroundings. If you don’t wanna spend the cold, harsh winter alone, it’s vital that you keep your antennas up at all times. If not, you’ll find yourself alone all Winter, spending the weekends listening to Al Green, watching Entourage, and going to sleep after you jerk it to soft core porn on SKinemax.

2. At least have some fun. Your cuffing partner must be someone that you enjoy spending time with. Some people say there’s nothing like a good conversation. Well I say there’s nothing better than a good conversation unless it is followed by a potential lay. If you don’t follow this rule, then you’ll eventually get tired of him/her and you’ll find yourself out alone (cuz all of your other friends are caked up) and downtown on a 22 degree Saturday night trying to find a last minute cuddle buddy. And that can lead to bad decisions.

3. Yield. If that’s not your official boy/girlfriend, then don’t act like it. If you know you’re not going to be that person, then be weary of people who are a little overzealous about being in a relationship. Because you’ll either be too shook about losing your fa sho by trying to get some mo’ that you don’t even bother. Or maybe someone will get upset when one sees the other at happy hour hugged up with someone else. And then you end up like me…I mean the guy from #1.

4. Proceed with caution. It can be easy to become overwhelmed with the warmth of someone else during Cuffing Season. That’s why we call it Cuffing Season. You two will probably spend a lot of time indoors having some pseudo intimate conversation, where you really get to know him/her. Some half-assed feelings may come of this. But remember, here in Texas we don’t have a long cuffing season. So by the time you think you can develop something real, it’s getting warm again and people are wearing less and less clothes. It’s getting warm and now people just wanna have some spring time flings (see a destructive cycle happening?). God forbid you live in Austin, TX and you have an affinity for white women. Game. Over. While it’s great to be physically close to someone during cuffing season, make sure it’s worth it if you wanna go the emotional route. You’ve been warned.

So there you have it. There’s really not much else I can tell you except have fun. Happy Cuffing Season. And don’t be that one asshole; wrap that shit up, B

Air Jordan XIII

Shout to everybody that'll be out this weekend to get those Flints. Hope your hookup from your sister's boyfriends cousin who works at Foot Locker works out for you. Also shout out to everybody like me who had them way back in like April thanks to Nice Kicks.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Revelation

Not sure how many of you have heard Kanye’s new album, but it’s pretty damn good if you ask me. A lot of people say it’s his best. I haven’t given it enough spins to justify that yet; however it’s definitely got the lyrics as well as the production to compete with College Dropout and Late Registration. With that said, I think it’s about time everybody give Ye his props and recognize him as one of the great influences ever when it comes to this rap shit. I know what you’re thinking. That I’m just excited about the new album and I’m writing this on a musical high. But if you take a closer look at his rap sheet, there’s no denying the facts. Shall we explore?

First off, the guy makes good music and he does so on a consistent basis. Unlike some of the guys considered legends today, he’s never dropped a bad album. Even 808’s & Heartbreaks; for what it was, it was an okay album. He doesn’t have any frisbees like “Kingdom Come” or “Nastradamus”. The man has a brilliant catalog with certified classics that are accepted by media critics and hip hop heads alike. And I mean real hip hop classics, not these “new classics” that people are claiming like “Tha Carter 3” which, let’s be honest, was mediocre at best. And I’m being nice about that one.

Some people say he’s really not great in the technical aspect of rapping. Well neither was Tupac. Yeah, I said it. But you know what people love most about Tupac was his passion and the presence he brought to the mic. Don’t try to tell me that Kanye isn’t one of the most passionate rappers about his craft. And as far as the music goes, he’s a genius. Personally, I think he’s underrated as a lyricist. You can’t say that he hasn’t been around long enough to solidify his standing among the greats. That argument is always null and void if any of you consider BIG to be one of the best.

And from a production aspect, I think everything he’s ever done pretty much speaks for itself. He gave Jay the whole soul sampling vibe for The Blueprint. And after that dropped, pretty much everybody wanted a record that at least sounded like Kanye produced it. Of course guys like RZA and DJ Paul and Juicy J were doing that long before him, but they never made it as popular as he did.

A lot of you may not agree with me here, which is understandable. In my personal opinion, however, his influence is undeniable. Just thought I would drop some food for thought for you guys. Do I have Kanye in my top 10? Hell no. But to not give the dude his props is almost disrespectful. Just take a second to think about that for a minute. And if that doesn’t convince you, google a picture of Amber Rose.

Fool's Gold

I’ve always thought it was weird that Whitey reads random articles about random shit to do with black people. I’d much rather him read the wall street journal and hang out with other regular white people, that way we can hang out at their lake house in the summer and go on ski trips in the winter. Either way, his affinity for Negroes led him to this article on theroot.com. The article focused on how a relationship can suffer when the woman is the bread winner. Let me start by saying that this article was very poorly written. The author should have said, when women financially support their husbands, he may feel emasculated which can lead to further problems in the relationship and ultimately its termination. The end. But that’s too easy. Instead, she takes the reader on some pointless journey constantly complaining about yet another reason why black women can’t find/get/keep a man. Here’s why.

She starts off by saying that she would in fact have a problem with financially supporting a man. She didn’t give the reader any particular reason why, just that it would be a problem. As someone who recently got laid off, I’m thinking why would any man want to make this woman his wife if she’s not willing to hold down the fort in tough times. Let’s move on.

She continues to paint a picture of men who are knight’s in shining armor with the ability to support a woman, and give her the option of being a stay at home wife. Either that, or he’s a no good, lazy, Call of Duty playing loser who refuses to get a 9-5 because his rap career is about to take off any day now. Are we supposed to extend some kind of sympathy to the woman who married this guy? She knew what kind of dude he was when the relationship started. She only has herself to blame. A man is going to be who he is. Read this slowly, ladies. You. Can. Not. Change. A. Man. No matter how good of a lay you are.

The author makes some valid, albeit shallow, points in some parts of the article; however she negates them by making asinine comments like the one below where she describes her experience on a date.

This is what she said: “ …but I noticed in that instance and others how much of a problem he had with the financial responsibility of courting a woman. In fact, he said to me that he had no desire to be rich and wanted to live a simple life. He was not the man for me.”

This is what I read: “despite the fact that I’m an independent woman who makes her own money, a man should pay for everything when courting a woman, and if he has no desire to provide me with everything I need financially then we can have no future together.”

It should also be noted that the author is 49 and single. Let’s ignore the fact that she never mentioned the guy’s personality, education, values, etc. But he had no desire to be rich, therefore it could never work out for her.

Everything about this article is one big contradiction. Does the author wish to be a new age independent woman who can provide for herself or does she have the desire to be a stay at home wife and be waited on hand and foot? You can’t have it both ways. Either way, I’m through with it. I’ll leave it up to you guys to read the article to form your own opinions, but as usual, I’m right like always.

http://www.theroot.com/views/when-she-brings-home-bacon

Booty Is In The Eye of The Beholder

On more than one occasion I’ve been out with one or a few of my boys, brothers, cousins, long lost friends, etc. at a club/bar and have seen one of them seriously engaged in a conversation with some unsuspecting young lady. Only to have her turn around, and I’m sitting there with a confused look on my face like, “Whoa! You think that girl is attractive?” Now let’s get this off the table before we go any further. If it’s the fourth quarter and you need to go ahead and get your rocks of for the night, I’m not gonna judge you one bit. Take her home and have your way with her. Please. HOWEVER, do not try to convince me that said young lady is “fine” because she has a fat ass and thick legs. I know I’m not the only dude out there who’s had this conversation with one of his friends. Strangely enough, I’ve never had this conversation with one of my white friends. Nope, not even Whitey. So it would seem to me that black dudes typically put more importance on a woman’s body than on her face. I get that if a woman has a nice body, of course all men want to see the body naked. But if she’s a butter face, she should be reserved for nothing more than late-night-I’ve-run-out-of-all-options-and-jerking-it-just-won’t-cut-it-tonight status. That’s cool. But I see too many dudes walking around cuffing these chicks and still using the excuse of her having some curves to not notice that she is not in the least bit cute at all. Talking about “she’s a stallion though.” Yes, nigga, that bitch does look like Seabiscuit. This I don’t get. I’m not talking about one of those beauty is in the eye of the beholder type situations. If you like someone, you like them. I’m talking about dudes who will knowingly overlook an unattractive face in favor of a thick body and end up wifing one of these women. Where’s the logic? Chances are that all of those curves will turn to flab in a few years unless she’s in the gym on a regular. And let’s be honest here for a second: if we’re talking about black women in the gym, I think we can all agree that’s one of the least represented demographics for gym membership. No diss…I’m just sayin.

Me on the other hand, I’m a face guy. Nothing like a lady with a pretty face if you ask me. If we’re talking about wifey, or someone I’m seriously considering dating, I’d gladly take a pretty face and average body over all the voluptuous curves and a mediocre face. I would advise you fellas to do the same. Think about 10-15 years from now. Cuz my chick, who everybody said didn’t really have all that much of a body will still be cute, but if you continue to chase the thickness there’s a decent chance that it will turn into fat after a kid or two. And she’ll still look like Pookie from New Jack City in the face. Again, we’re only talking about women that you really want to pursue, but if we’re talking about a jumpoff…well then she’s face down-ass up anyway. So it doesn’t really matter at that point does it?