There are very few situations in which I willingly buy a woman a drink if I’m at a bar or a club: If I came with you and/or if we are more or less cool with each other. And chances are when I buy that drink, I fully expect you to get the next round. Either that, or you’ll be drinking water while I continue to sip on this brown likka. I know what some of you are probably thinking. I’m not cheap. It’s just that I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to get you so drunk to where I’m trying to take advantage of you. So in reality, I’m being a gentleman. Matter of fact, ladies, the next time you see me out you should buy me a drink for being so considerate. Another rule I have while going out is keeping the compliments to a minimum. I know every woman likes to be complimented on her hair/dress/shoes or whatever. I might throw a subtle one over the course of a night, but that’s it. It’s not that I don’t notice the things you did to make yourself look cute, I just don’t feel like I need to tell you the same thing you’ve heard from 20 dudes already. Especially if we’re dealing with a sausage fest.

Some guys, however, will go above and beyond to get the attention of a woman. They throw a slew of overly exaggerated compliments to her throughout the night; a term commonly referred to as “gassing up.” They hover over this poor young lady the whole night; afraid to let her out of his sight for fear that she may meet someone else and have an actual conversation. Their best pick up lines include “Psst…say girl…come here” or they just go for the gusto and grab her arm. They will buy her and her friends unlimited drinks at the bar in what, I believe, is an effort to make it seem as if they have a lot of disposable income. Has anybody seen this guy in the club? Sure you have. He is what we call the resident “SIMP.” Unfortunately, this guy seems to be everywhere you look these days. And while this guy can be a hindrance to real men who actually know how to approach and have a conversation with them, he can also be a blessing in disguise. So I pose this question to you: Are simps a gift or a curse to the other real dudes out there?

Anti-Simp - This is where the simp can hurt you while out for a night. It’s actually quite simple. Let’s say you see someone who you would like to approach while out, but the simp got to her first. By displaying the characteristics above, he will very rarely let her out of his sight or out of talking distance. This will make it very difficult for you to even have enough time or space to approach. Let’s say you are able to steal a minute of her free time. The simp can sense when another, more qualified male is threatening his target of interest. He will then once again approach the young lady, this time to tell her that he has some shots waiting at the bar. But not just any shot. No, the simp has studied women long enough to know that the shot of choice at the time is the “Royal Fuck,” something that no woman aged 21-26 can resist. He’s a sly little devil. He can beat you in a variety of ways. The most common way is that he succeeds in getting the young lady tipsy enough to where she becomes either tired or belligerent. At this point, it will become an annoying task to even try to talk to her. So you cut your losses. You can’t even try talking to one of her cute friends because they all saw you trying to talk to her earlier, and we all know that no woman in history would go behind her friends back and talk to you at this point.

Pro-Simp - But sometimes these guys can be helpful to the rest of us out there. Some ladies are actually smart enough to spot them from a mile away and will openly exploit his simpness to get enough of a buzz and move on. This is what T-Pain and his BIG ASS CHAIN call “chopped and screwed.” So now that she has a slight buzz, the woman you want to approach is ready to have a grand ol time. When you are able to go up to her and talk to her like a mature adult, she will be shocked and caught off guard. The fact that your simp level is drastically low amongst sea of simps will be unbelievable. For, if there were no simps in this world, then the realness wouldn’t be such a sought out characteristic for the rest of us.

So let the debate begin. What’s the opinion of the people? Am I not being SIMPathetic enough to the means that some men need to approach women?