In case you were never aware of a late breaking sociological study, women love to argue. They love drama, and they can’t survive without it. This is the same reason why women will befriend someone who they tell their other friends that they can’t stand, and constantly talk about this person behind their back. It’s the same reason why women will enter and continue a relationship that has no benefit whatsoever to them. She doesn’t even have to really even like the other guy that much, but because there’s drama involved, she will stay. I don’t know if it’s for pure entertainment or what. Let’s say you have a group of guys riding in the car having a discussion. One guy gets out. What happens next? The remaining guys will move on to the next subject or whatever catcher their attention next. Now replace those guys with women. If one gets out of the car, there’s a much higher chance that one of the remaining women in the car will have something sassy or unappealing to say about the person who just exited the vehicle. When the next one gets out she will then call the first person who got out and inform her of what the other two people in the car said about her. And the cycle of drama continues. If you weren’t aware, women even have the powers to turn compliments into insults. Everyday in America some woman asks her man how she looks in some random outfit. If the guy says “It’s straight” or “it’s cool” then the outfit isn’t good enough and he thinks she’s ugly and fat. God forbid that the guy pauses before he answers. The crazy thing is even if he says, “You look gorgeous. You are the most beautiful woman in the world.” She will reply with “That’s not true…tell me what you really think!” Now she doesn’t believe you, and everything you ever told her up to this point in the relationship has been a lie.
The easiest solution would be to just take a break from women, but unfortunately for men, we all have a temptation that we can’t shake. No, it’s not a woman herself ; it’s her vagina. And the woman has to come as part of a package deal. So how are we as men supposed to deal with these drama loving beings until the end of time? You can’t just simply not argue with them. One way or another they will pull you in. Women, for some reason (read: no logic implied), believe that if her man won’t argue with her that he isn’t passionate about the relationship and that he doesn’t care enough. If a woman gets this notion enough, she will eventually take her vagina away from you, and we can’t have that now can we? So for the fellas out there, here are a few ways that you can minimize the arguing between you and the woman in your life.
First of all, pick your beef. She may get on some crazy soapbox about something that pisses you off, but don’t engage in an all out scream-fest unless it’s something you are truly passionate about. Like if she wants to watch Grey’s Anatomy, but you haven’t reached your checkpoint on Call of Duty yet. Understand that it is in a woman’s DNA to fight for dumb shit. Yeah it’s just as easy for her to put the toilet seat back up after she finishes so that you don’t have to keep lifting it up over and over again, but let her have that one. If you’re gonna fight, make sure it’s worth the time and whatever after affects it may have down the road.
Think AGAIN before you talk. Have you ever been in an argument with a woman, and as soon as she made a comment you were able to counter it with quick thinking and a great comeback that pretty much shut the whole conversation down? Next time, don’t do that. Now you’re not just the bad guy, but you’re the bad guy who’s an asshole who doesn’t consider her feelings. Women are trained to believe that they are always right, and to crush them with sheer logical thought is the biggest insult a man can ever give to a woman. Instead of throwing a verbal haymaker into the argument, say it with an upward inflection that sounds like a question. This way she can answer it and believe that it was her who resolved the problem. She wins because she can now tell all of her friends how she “won” the argument. You win because you get to finish watching the game.
Lastly, I would advise that you never fully engage in the argument in the first place if you don’t have to. Just nod and smile and agree with her. Just don’t make it seem phony. Say “you right” (see how it works here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olGq3TOs174&feature=related ) about 6 or 7 times and it’ll be over before you know it. But be careful to avoid these two common mistakes. Never apologize and never admit you were wrong unless you have no other choice. It will come back to haunt you in the future. Saying “sorry” is an admission of guilt. Therefore say something along the lines of “I’m sorry if by me doing ______ you feel _____.” As I’ve told others before, I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong. Pretty much everything I do is based on a logical decision where I’ve evaluated the consequences and made the appropriate actions based on that logic. Sometimes it’s drunk logic. Sometimes it’s angry logic. But it was always the right decision at the time.
That’s all I can do to help you guys for now. The only other solution would be to find a woman who doesn’t feed off drama and argue for no apparent reason. And if you’ve already found her, see if she has a sister for me.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Get Off Your High Tower, Steve
How did we get to the point where women are so hard pressed to find and keep a man that they will go to extremes to make it happen? European women are notorious for spending tens of thousands of dollars making trips back and forth to see men who are in prison for life and some that are on death row. They pour lots money into their commissary, and for what? It’s not like there’s much more you can do other than read and write a few letters, and have a monitored conversation. Do conjugal visits even exist anymore? I highly doubt that these dudes have wills to leave behind to the women either. Not because of legal reasons or anything, I just figure most convicted murderers and rapists don’t have an estate to leave behind to loved ones. I don’t know how repulsive or diseased ridden a woman has to be to stoop to this kind of level to get attention from a man, but damn…there are a lot of dudes out there that will do anything for piece of ass.
American women have taken it one step further. They have resulted into getting relationship advice from the one and only Steve Harvey. Yes the nigga with the 7 button suits…yeah, the guy who was still rocking the same flat box cut for the past 26 years before he finally cut it off a few months ago. The same guy who needs to resort back to that box cut because being bald is not working for him at all. It takes a special kind of man to pull it off. It’s just not for everyone (that goes for you too, Mario).
It’s not like it’s new news that Steve Harvey wrote a book titled “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.” It actually was number one on the New York Times best seller list. For that I applaud Steve. No hatred over here for the dude making some extra cash and getting some recognition. What I have a problem with is whoever told him he was a relationship guru. It should probably be noted that he’s on his third marriage. Doesn’t a woman reading his book equate to a woman taking advice from her lonely bitter friend who can’t keep a man, but tells her everything that is wrong in her relationship. Isn’t he more qualified to write a book called “Third Time Is The Charm: What To Do When You’ve Fucked Up Two Marriages”? I’m sorry, Steve, but just because you gave Romeo and Bullethead some fatherly advice every once in a while doesn’t entitle you to tell any woman what she needs to do in her relationship. It took him like 7 seasons to finally close on Regina. What’s next? Are we gonna start hangin with Mr. Cooper to tell us how to raise kids?
Really, how much can you put in a book telling a woman to think like a man? Think logically. The End. I’m also kinda pissed off that he would write a book telling women to think like men in the first place. If your woman can think like you that means you can’t get away with shit, because she’s already a step ahead of you. Thanks for telling all the locker room secrets, Kobe. I personally don’t see what any woman can really gain from reading a book about relationships. For one, half of the women who read the book probably dropped out of some sort of school at some point in their life. Just in my professional opinion, I don’t think they are going to take anything written in a book and be able to apply it. I’m just sayin. Now I didn’t read the book, but I think I can make an accurate assessment of it: men tend to exhibit a certain type of behavior so if a woman wants to keep her man she should acknowledge and respect it as such. Probably not spot on, but it’s somewhere in that area. I really don’t think relationship books in general are meant to be taken seriously. I’m sure they can make for a great conversation piece between friends and/or couples. But if anyone is so down on their love life, wondering why things never work out and is looking to one of those books for serious advice, please stop…put the book down…get in your car…and drive to the nearest therapist. You need more than a book to help you out. Matter of fact, instead of spending the $20 on the book, give me the money and I’ll tell you what the problem is. Seriously. Maybe I should write a book on why people shouldn’t read books. The funny thing is I think it could actually work
American women have taken it one step further. They have resulted into getting relationship advice from the one and only Steve Harvey. Yes the nigga with the 7 button suits…yeah, the guy who was still rocking the same flat box cut for the past 26 years before he finally cut it off a few months ago. The same guy who needs to resort back to that box cut because being bald is not working for him at all. It takes a special kind of man to pull it off. It’s just not for everyone (that goes for you too, Mario).
It’s not like it’s new news that Steve Harvey wrote a book titled “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.” It actually was number one on the New York Times best seller list. For that I applaud Steve. No hatred over here for the dude making some extra cash and getting some recognition. What I have a problem with is whoever told him he was a relationship guru. It should probably be noted that he’s on his third marriage. Doesn’t a woman reading his book equate to a woman taking advice from her lonely bitter friend who can’t keep a man, but tells her everything that is wrong in her relationship. Isn’t he more qualified to write a book called “Third Time Is The Charm: What To Do When You’ve Fucked Up Two Marriages”? I’m sorry, Steve, but just because you gave Romeo and Bullethead some fatherly advice every once in a while doesn’t entitle you to tell any woman what she needs to do in her relationship. It took him like 7 seasons to finally close on Regina. What’s next? Are we gonna start hangin with Mr. Cooper to tell us how to raise kids?
Really, how much can you put in a book telling a woman to think like a man? Think logically. The End. I’m also kinda pissed off that he would write a book telling women to think like men in the first place. If your woman can think like you that means you can’t get away with shit, because she’s already a step ahead of you. Thanks for telling all the locker room secrets, Kobe. I personally don’t see what any woman can really gain from reading a book about relationships. For one, half of the women who read the book probably dropped out of some sort of school at some point in their life. Just in my professional opinion, I don’t think they are going to take anything written in a book and be able to apply it. I’m just sayin. Now I didn’t read the book, but I think I can make an accurate assessment of it: men tend to exhibit a certain type of behavior so if a woman wants to keep her man she should acknowledge and respect it as such. Probably not spot on, but it’s somewhere in that area. I really don’t think relationship books in general are meant to be taken seriously. I’m sure they can make for a great conversation piece between friends and/or couples. But if anyone is so down on their love life, wondering why things never work out and is looking to one of those books for serious advice, please stop…put the book down…get in your car…and drive to the nearest therapist. You need more than a book to help you out. Matter of fact, instead of spending the $20 on the book, give me the money and I’ll tell you what the problem is. Seriously. Maybe I should write a book on why people shouldn’t read books. The funny thing is I think it could actually work
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Defense of John Mayer
Yes you read that right. The DEFENSE of John Mayer. Every time a white guy goes on TV or gives an interview and says something concerning race he is looked at as being racist. More often than not that is the case. But sometimes people can be trying to prove a point but it just comes out wrong, who can say that’s never happened to them. Personally, I was never offended with the Don Imus comments. If we’re gonna keep it real, them hoes WAS nappy headed. Now KKKramer on the other hand, there was just no excuse for that. Say “nigger” once and maybe you’re a comedian bringing home a joke who’s bold enough to say the word. Say it twenty times while referencing lynching and Jim Crow laws, and we have a problem on our hands. Then Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton come out to play, and we all know they are here to save black people right? Right?
I, for one, thought his interview with Playboy was kind of funny. I find it very entertaining for someone to push the envelope and make people uncomfortable as long as it doesn’t get offensive. And his interview wasn’t offensive in the least bit. Not to me it wasn’t. I think if we all take a look at the controversial quotes from the interview, we’ll all agree that it wasn’t that bad.
When asked about his 2006-07 relationship with Jessica Simpson:
That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me... Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm...
There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, "I want to quit my life and just fuckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.
I just thought this was funny as hell. But seriously moving on to the more controversial parts of the interview….
PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?
MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.
PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
So let’s jump right into it here and start off with his use of the N-Word. Just from reading the interview as a whole, it’s quite obvious that dude was drunk, high, or both at the time. Don’t let the word control all of your emotions and think about what he’s saying for a second. See if John Mayer really had a hood pass, saying the word nigger wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. Granted he never should've said it, but what's done is done. He’s saying that he can’t be given a hood pass, for one, because he can’t really identify with the bullshit people from the hood actually have to go through. I think he’s trying to denounce the use of the term “hood pass” because technically if you have one, there’s no need for one. Does a hood pass automatically turn white people into honorary black people or something?
I’m not sure how this answer of saying what it means to be black relates to any of the questions he was asked, but he does have a point (whatever that may be). If you ask me what being black is, I couldn’t give you a definitive answer. Either way, I don’t see the problem with what he said here. Maybe having more famous rapper friends than me allows him to give his perspective on black people and people will actually give a shit, or at least pretend like they do. The only rapper friends I have are the ones who didn’t get a job after they left school and figured they could get a Casio keyboard and a mic and make some “music” in the empty room of their parent’s house. Silly negroes. Moving on…
Finishing this off in regards to his comments about having black women throw themselves at him, again I understand what the guy is getting at. I can identify with what he’s saying. I’m not against dating white women, but it just doesn’t seem to work out that way…ever. As far as having a white supremacist penis goes, you gotta give the guy some kind of props for the comic relief. If we move on to his reference of Kerry Washington being “white girl crazy” I mean take a really good look at her, I see exactly what he’s talking about. I could actually see her saying some off the wall shit like that.
With that said, I don’t think for one second John Mayer is racist. I think he’s a white boy who got a little drunk and a little too comfortable and fucked up. Shit happens. But seriously, don’t let it happen again Johnny Boy. Anybody care to weigh in? Do you think John Mayer is racist? Are you offended by what he said?
I, for one, thought his interview with Playboy was kind of funny. I find it very entertaining for someone to push the envelope and make people uncomfortable as long as it doesn’t get offensive. And his interview wasn’t offensive in the least bit. Not to me it wasn’t. I think if we all take a look at the controversial quotes from the interview, we’ll all agree that it wasn’t that bad.
When asked about his 2006-07 relationship with Jessica Simpson:
That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me... Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm...
There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, "I want to quit my life and just fuckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.
I just thought this was funny as hell. But seriously moving on to the more controversial parts of the interview….
PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?
MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.
PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
So let’s jump right into it here and start off with his use of the N-Word. Just from reading the interview as a whole, it’s quite obvious that dude was drunk, high, or both at the time. Don’t let the word control all of your emotions and think about what he’s saying for a second. See if John Mayer really had a hood pass, saying the word nigger wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. Granted he never should've said it, but what's done is done. He’s saying that he can’t be given a hood pass, for one, because he can’t really identify with the bullshit people from the hood actually have to go through. I think he’s trying to denounce the use of the term “hood pass” because technically if you have one, there’s no need for one. Does a hood pass automatically turn white people into honorary black people or something?
I’m not sure how this answer of saying what it means to be black relates to any of the questions he was asked, but he does have a point (whatever that may be). If you ask me what being black is, I couldn’t give you a definitive answer. Either way, I don’t see the problem with what he said here. Maybe having more famous rapper friends than me allows him to give his perspective on black people and people will actually give a shit, or at least pretend like they do. The only rapper friends I have are the ones who didn’t get a job after they left school and figured they could get a Casio keyboard and a mic and make some “music” in the empty room of their parent’s house. Silly negroes. Moving on…
Finishing this off in regards to his comments about having black women throw themselves at him, again I understand what the guy is getting at. I can identify with what he’s saying. I’m not against dating white women, but it just doesn’t seem to work out that way…ever. As far as having a white supremacist penis goes, you gotta give the guy some kind of props for the comic relief. If we move on to his reference of Kerry Washington being “white girl crazy” I mean take a really good look at her, I see exactly what he’s talking about. I could actually see her saying some off the wall shit like that.
With that said, I don’t think for one second John Mayer is racist. I think he’s a white boy who got a little drunk and a little too comfortable and fucked up. Shit happens. But seriously, don’t let it happen again Johnny Boy. Anybody care to weigh in? Do you think John Mayer is racist? Are you offended by what he said?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sarah Palin's Helping Hand
Sooooo….Sarah Palin is really on a blazing trail to make herself a revolutionary of the Republican Party. I’d be interested to see what hilarity would ensue on a ticket with her AND Michael Steele together. After all the dumb ass comments (or lack there of) she made during the presidential race back in 2008, I thought that maybe she would take some time to get her act together and try not to make an ass of herself. I thought we would never see a black president, but if this dumb ass broad continues to hang around the spotlight then I’m convinced we will never see a president of the female gender. Of course if you watch Faux News (see what I just did right there), you’ll be led to believe that she’s the only person that can pull us out of where we are as a nation. If you ask me, she’s setting women back about 10.7 years every time she makes a public appearance. So what has Ms. Palin been up to since the presidential race? Well she “wrote” a book pretty much shitting all over the committee put together for McCain’s campaign, the same one that fought to get her on the ticket. Good luck in 2012. When the Haiti tragedy struck, what did she do? No, she didn’t make any public appearances or speeches or give an interview about what we could do to help. She posted a note on Facebook and Myspace soliciting donations to the Red Cross. And now at the Tea Party convention that took place this past weekend, she continued to strengthen her legacy. I always assumed she didn’t know shit to begin with, but this was just ridiculous. During a Q&A session, she actually had notes written on the inside of her hand to help her get through the whole ordeal. Now, I just always thought people stopped this in elementary school as they developed more clever ways to get away with cheating, but then I thought to myself “we’re dealing with Sarah Palin, here.” This is the same woman who couldn’t explain why North and South Korea were separate nations. The same woman who, when asked by Katie Couric to give examples of John McCain’s policy plans during the presidential race, she said “I’ll try to find some and bring them back to you.” Word? Despite the fact that she must not have gotten the memo about that new invention that scientist just discovered last week called pencils and paper where most Americans can jot notes down and refer back to them if needed, I somehow didn’t think she could be this stupid. Somebody get this woman some school supplies, please. If she were still in grade school or at a regular 9 to 5, she would have been suspended or fired for something like this, but I guess the GOP will do whatever they have to so that they can keep people talking. That way they won’t seem like a bunch of old boring white men who sit around in blue blazers talking about country music and how great it is to be “the man”. I wish there was a way I could just put her and Wocka Flocka Flame together in a car and have it driven off of a cliff into a lake of fire with OJ Da Juiceman locked in the trunk. One could only dream.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Where They Do That At?
It’s no secret that I love shopping, specifically for shoes. So I’m talking to a co-worker recently and I mention to him that when I get bored, sometimes I just go to the mall and shop, because it’s something that I enjoy doing so much, and the guy looks at me like I just came out of Oil Can Harry’s with glow sticks, assless chaps and a fishnet tank top (Oil Can Harry’s is a gay bar for all of you outside the Austin area). I just wanna know why some people think that it’s weird for a man to like shopping as much as a woman does? Is it wrong to like to have new stuff, and to want to look good? Personally I don’t think so, but some people do. That’s cool, but I think there are certain things that a man should be able to do without having his sexuality questioned. With all these random claims about male celebrities being secretly gay and this whole DL thing still going on, and of course Atlanta is still in existence; everyone is looking for a reason to call out another dudes suspectability (that is not a word). I also think that there are certain things that if a man were to do, he in fact should be looked at with the dreaded side eye.
Acceptable - Watching “The Hills”
• One of my favorite guilty pleasures. No, the show isn’t the same since LC left, but it’s still very much enjoyable. You just never what Spencer is gonna say next. Also included with this should be any other shows aimed towards a female audience and other chick flicks. Yeah, I’ve watched “The Devil Wears Prada.” What if I happen to be a hopeless romantic and these romantic comedies just kinda feed that part of my personality? It’s all for entertainment people. Maybe deep down inside these movies could somehow improve male/female relationships and we could all probably learn something from them. Not likely, but sometimes I just don’t wanna watch the G4 channel or ESPN all day. If I decide to skip SportsCenter for one night to watch “He’s Just Not That Into You” then let me have that.
Unacceptable – Sending another man a winking smiley face/emoticon via text or bbm
• That shit ain’t cool. Would you wink at another man in a face to face conversation?
Acceptable - Singing along to Beyonce
• I think Beyonce is one of the most beautiful women in the business today. If I had to make a pick between her and Halle Berry, I’d probably just call it a tie and take both. I also happen to think that she is very talented…as far as singing goes. She is a pretty bad actor. She shouldn’t even be allowed to watch movies. With that said, she makes some very catchy songs. You’ll never catch me singing “Single Ladies” or anything like that, but she’s got some hits that go hard. I can relate to some of her songs. I got a big ego too. I don’t know why it is, but some dudes think it makes them look soft to buy albums by female artists. I happen to think Chrisette Michelle had one of, if not the best R&B album last year. However, there are certain things that men should not sing along to…
Unacceptable – Knowing Lil Kim and Trina lyrics word for word
• I’m not endorsing people to boycott any Femcees we have out there. I highly recommend Jean Grey, and I think they need all the support they can get. Much like the WNBA. I just can’t get with singing along to the majority of them talking about how they like to deep throat random dudes and get pounded from various positions. If that’s what they like to do, then more power to them, but for a man to spit bar for bar with them, just seems kinda suspect. Even though “Get Money” is a great song, I can’t rock out to the whole thing because Kim just says some stuff that my manhood won’t let me repeat. Sorry
Acceptable – Using a Loofah
• They exfoliate and get you much cleaner than a regular washcloth, and you don’t have to use as much soap to work up a good lather. Besides, all of my other toiletries are Old Spice and Nivea For Men. Get off my case.
Any other people out there have some actions that are ok for men to do, or some unacceptable ones that will officially have you detected on the Gaydar (gays and women really use this word like it actually exists)?
Acceptable - Watching “The Hills”
• One of my favorite guilty pleasures. No, the show isn’t the same since LC left, but it’s still very much enjoyable. You just never what Spencer is gonna say next. Also included with this should be any other shows aimed towards a female audience and other chick flicks. Yeah, I’ve watched “The Devil Wears Prada.” What if I happen to be a hopeless romantic and these romantic comedies just kinda feed that part of my personality? It’s all for entertainment people. Maybe deep down inside these movies could somehow improve male/female relationships and we could all probably learn something from them. Not likely, but sometimes I just don’t wanna watch the G4 channel or ESPN all day. If I decide to skip SportsCenter for one night to watch “He’s Just Not That Into You” then let me have that.
Unacceptable – Sending another man a winking smiley face/emoticon via text or bbm
• That shit ain’t cool. Would you wink at another man in a face to face conversation?
Acceptable - Singing along to Beyonce
• I think Beyonce is one of the most beautiful women in the business today. If I had to make a pick between her and Halle Berry, I’d probably just call it a tie and take both. I also happen to think that she is very talented…as far as singing goes. She is a pretty bad actor. She shouldn’t even be allowed to watch movies. With that said, she makes some very catchy songs. You’ll never catch me singing “Single Ladies” or anything like that, but she’s got some hits that go hard. I can relate to some of her songs. I got a big ego too. I don’t know why it is, but some dudes think it makes them look soft to buy albums by female artists. I happen to think Chrisette Michelle had one of, if not the best R&B album last year. However, there are certain things that men should not sing along to…
Unacceptable – Knowing Lil Kim and Trina lyrics word for word
• I’m not endorsing people to boycott any Femcees we have out there. I highly recommend Jean Grey, and I think they need all the support they can get. Much like the WNBA. I just can’t get with singing along to the majority of them talking about how they like to deep throat random dudes and get pounded from various positions. If that’s what they like to do, then more power to them, but for a man to spit bar for bar with them, just seems kinda suspect. Even though “Get Money” is a great song, I can’t rock out to the whole thing because Kim just says some stuff that my manhood won’t let me repeat. Sorry
Acceptable – Using a Loofah
• They exfoliate and get you much cleaner than a regular washcloth, and you don’t have to use as much soap to work up a good lather. Besides, all of my other toiletries are Old Spice and Nivea For Men. Get off my case.
Any other people out there have some actions that are ok for men to do, or some unacceptable ones that will officially have you detected on the Gaydar (gays and women really use this word like it actually exists)?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
White Men STILL Can't Jump
Sometimes people do the most ignorant stuff without even realizing what they do is wrong. Like when an old white lady sees a black baby and says something like “Awww, she is so cute for a little black baby.” Some people, however, do ignorant things and know how inane it is, yet they try to make excuses for why whatever it is they’re doing isn’t wrong. Case in point: Don "Moose" Lewis, the commissioner of the AABA. Who is this guy, and what the hell is the AABA? I thought you might ask. The AABA is the All American Basketball Alliance that Lewis hopes will have its inaugural season this coming June. And the dream of Moose Lewis is that the league will be an all white league, also excluding anyone not born in the United States. Let the record show that I stand strong in my belief that European pansy players made the NBA soft with their flops and what not (see: Ginobili, Manu). Now there’s no hand checking, and everything is considered a flagrant foul these days, but that’s not the point. I’m all for being an entrepreneur, but trying to create an all white basketball league isn’t really original. Didn’t they try this once before back in the 40’s, but eventually they realized that black people have an extra bone/muscle, which is why we’re blessed with all the talent and athleticism. This extra bone/muscle gives us the ability to make the sport fun and exciting, and people will actually pay to watch us do so, thus making the league profitable.
But of course the guy came out quickly and said it has nothing to do with race. "There's nothing hatred about what we're doing. I don't hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here's a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like."
Don’t they already have a league that doesn’t allow black men to play and the game revolves around fundamentals? I believe it’s called the WNBA, and we see how well they’re doing. I give them two or three more seasons before they fold. In a further effort to assure us that he has no hatred, Lewis then said he wants to focus on the fundamentals of the game and wanted to eliminate “street ball” played by “people of color.” Or as I read it: “Them niggers is too good.” He believes the white game of basketball is a fundamental game. No arguments here, except that the person that they call “The Big Fundamental” is Tim Duncan, a big black guy. Then again, he is married to a white woman so maybe he gets a pass. Lewis seems to think that this is the game of basketball that works the best. Well when we find a white guy as good as Michael Jordan or one that can run the court like LeBron, maybe I’ll give your reasoning some merit. But I don’t ever see that happening unless a white guy gets cosmetic surgery to insert an extra bone/muscle to make him more athletically inclined.
The last thing I want to mention before I finish is Lewis citing how in the Negro Basketball Association you have certain incidents where the audience is subjected to conduct that may leave them feeling a little unsafe. He went on to say, “Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands? That's the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction." This is very valid point because no white person in the history of America has EVER attacked innocent people by doing something crazy like….I don’t know, shooting up a random store or other place of business. Nah, that never happens.
But of course the guy came out quickly and said it has nothing to do with race. "There's nothing hatred about what we're doing. I don't hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here's a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like."
Don’t they already have a league that doesn’t allow black men to play and the game revolves around fundamentals? I believe it’s called the WNBA, and we see how well they’re doing. I give them two or three more seasons before they fold. In a further effort to assure us that he has no hatred, Lewis then said he wants to focus on the fundamentals of the game and wanted to eliminate “street ball” played by “people of color.” Or as I read it: “Them niggers is too good.” He believes the white game of basketball is a fundamental game. No arguments here, except that the person that they call “The Big Fundamental” is Tim Duncan, a big black guy. Then again, he is married to a white woman so maybe he gets a pass. Lewis seems to think that this is the game of basketball that works the best. Well when we find a white guy as good as Michael Jordan or one that can run the court like LeBron, maybe I’ll give your reasoning some merit. But I don’t ever see that happening unless a white guy gets cosmetic surgery to insert an extra bone/muscle to make him more athletically inclined.
The last thing I want to mention before I finish is Lewis citing how in the Negro Basketball Association you have certain incidents where the audience is subjected to conduct that may leave them feeling a little unsafe. He went on to say, “Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands? That's the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction." This is very valid point because no white person in the history of America has EVER attacked innocent people by doing something crazy like….I don’t know, shooting up a random store or other place of business. Nah, that never happens.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Thanks, but no thanks
I was watching an episode of the show “The Game” the other day. You know the one where the white chick is teaching the other two light skinded ones how to pole dance for their respective mens’. Then I started seeing all these commercials for something called “Flirty Girl Fitness” or some variation of that where women who all wear a size 0 do some hip thrusts and a few weak ass lap dances on top of an empty chair and claim it can get you in shape and keep you fit. Yeah, probably if you’re already a size 0. Tell Mo’nique and Precious big asses to get up there, and if they lose a significant amount of weight, I’ll believe it; otherwise, I ain’t buying it. Come to find out there are thousands of women all across the country who take these pole dancing classes, claiming to do it so that they can spice things up in the bedroom and whatnot. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll pass. It’s not that I have anything against getting a lap/pole dance from my lady, it’s just that there’s absolutely no reason for you to take these classes. Personally, I’m not much of a strip club kinda guy anyway, although I do enjoy the visuals . I’ll never be the one who says, “hey let’s hit the strip club” whenever I’m chilling with my boys trying to find something to do later that night. It just never made sense to me to go somewhere and pay a woman to dance for me, give me an erection, and leave me out to dry. And if I happen to be in a classy establishment such as Harlem Knights, where I can get some in exchange for an undisclosed amount, I’m a strong advocate against direct monetary transactions for sex. So at the end of the day it’s pointless to me. But if do happen to end up there anyway, I still notice that some of the moves that some of these skrippers are able to perform cannot be taught in one class that lasts an hour, and is taught by a 45 yr old ex-burlesque show girl. Some of these hoes are really talented. I mean, let’s be real about this people. One class? Do you really think that’s all you need to perform to the best of your ability? You can’t go to class for the first day of the semester and not show up again until finals and expect to pass. It doesn’t work that way. Another reason why this practice has no real benefit to anyone is because there’s nowhere to utilize the skills outside of a strip club. Who in the hell has a pole in their house/apartment? Seriously ladies, where exactly are you gonna perform some of these moves for your man? So if there are any ladies who are wasting time and money on these classes please stop. I’d much rather you buy me a pair of shoes or a watch than to see you bust your ass trying to climb a pole. Now if you can take a class that teaches you how to dance like one of them girls in the “Tip Drill” video, then that’s something we can discuss.
One last rant before I check out of here. Remember the scene in the movie “Old School” where they have all the wives learning how to give phenomenal fellatio (I made that one up)? Turns out these off the dome sessions exist as well. Now this is something that ladies can put to good use for their man, considering the fact that they don’t need a large metal prop to do so. But just like pole dancing, it’s a waste of time and/or money. Think about it; why would I want another woman teaching my girl how to give me head? Especially if I’m not around to be used in tutorials. I think I’d much rather teach her to do what I like on my own. Who knows what I like better than me, right? And she won’t have to worry if she doesn’t get it right the first time…we can keep practicing until she gets it right.
One last rant before I check out of here. Remember the scene in the movie “Old School” where they have all the wives learning how to give phenomenal fellatio (I made that one up)? Turns out these off the dome sessions exist as well. Now this is something that ladies can put to good use for their man, considering the fact that they don’t need a large metal prop to do so. But just like pole dancing, it’s a waste of time and/or money. Think about it; why would I want another woman teaching my girl how to give me head? Especially if I’m not around to be used in tutorials. I think I’d much rather teach her to do what I like on my own. Who knows what I like better than me, right? And she won’t have to worry if she doesn’t get it right the first time…we can keep practicing until she gets it right.
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