So I’ve been living this single life for a while now. Not that I’m complaining at all, it’s actually quite fun, but I need a change of pace. Therefore, I’ve been thinking about possibly getting a girlfriend. Here’s the problem: I’m pretty picky. Not in a shallow type of way…well yeah that too, but still. There are some particular things about a woman that probably shouldn’t have any bearing on a relationship, but dealing with me it could lead to disastrous results. So here are a few characteristics that I need from a woman before we can move any further.
Sports Compatibility – Two teams that I would consider myself a serious fan of is the Bulls and the Yankees. Now I can’t really expect a woman to be a fan of these teams just because I like them. With that said, there are three teams that I absolutely despise. In order: lakers, Cowgirls, and UT Football (why it’s football only, I have no idea…probably because they cost me money in the 2005 National Championship). I realize that I do live in Texas so the chances of a woman being both a Cowgirl and Longhorns fan are fairly high. However, if she is a lakers fan and she roots for any of the other two teams, we’re done!
HerShoeBag – I love sneakers, but not the women who wear them. I’m a leg man; therefore a nice pair of heels is ideal for me. Really her whole closet in general is a big deal. I love a woman who knows how to dress well, especially those who know they know how to dress well. I mean technically…in the end, I guess it doesn’t REALLY matter what you’re wearing as long as you’re taking it off on a consistent basis. But I need something to keep me engaged in between those times. Sketchers and mom jeans just won’t do.
Health/Physical Fitness – I would never hold a woman to the standards that I wouldn’t hold myself to, so I need at minimum a semi-healthy lifestyle. Of course I want someone who is appealing to look at, but I also want someone who won’t have a heart attack at 27. I enjoy some fried foods and a cheeseburger every now and then, but not during lunch every day. I’m not saying you have to live in the gym, but at least make an effort to keep it together and looking good.
TV Scheduling – There’s nothing wrong with a little ignorance for your viewing pleasure every once in a while. Don’t even get me started on some of these reality shows out there such as “Real Housewives of (insert city)” or “(Insert sport) Wives.” I don’t mind a little mindless entertainment here and there, but nobody’s TV schedule should include these shows every night of the week. There’s also the issue of when her favorite shows are scheduled. For instance, if any of her favorite shows happen to come on during a Bulls game, she’ll have no choice but to DVR it and watch it later. If that’s a problem, then we’re gonna have problems.
PetSmart – I once dated a girl who had THE most annoying dog in the world. I know pretty much all of my boys have been harassed by Jeff Saturday. She’s the not so cute friend who won’t let her better looking friend out her sight whenever a guy tries to make a move. She blocks with supreme protection. Well that not so cute friend had nothing on this dog. It was the ultimate cock blocker. Therefore, if a woman insists on keeping a pet, I’d much rather it be a lazy one who doesn’t jump up and down everywhere and shed fur all over me. In fact, any women with a gerbil or a hamster would be great.
That’s pretty much it. Nothing too demanding or out of line right? For the ladies out there who don’t fit this description, it’s not too late to change. It might actually be worth it. I’m kind of a catch if you hadn’t heard by now.
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