Special Guest (I don't feel like writing anything)

I think this might be our first female guest on the Shoe Bag. Meme gives her take on her case for the skinny girls and their "petite poke". Our sisters in arms, on behalf of the skinny guys out there.

"The Case of The Petite Poke"

Meme

Apparently, extensive studying makes me extremely altruistic. I added some insight to a couple of posts and then I decided that I have thoughts and I can write and a 3 day exam over my entire field that determines the subsequent future of my career (e.g. MY LIFE) just really isn’t THAT crucial so, screw studying, let me share my thoughts with the e-masses. What can I say? I’m generous and whatnot. Fortunately, my BFF is equally altruistic because in the course of one of our many interesting conversations I bamboozled him into letting me contribute to his blog. Now, my bff and I have some great conversations; from why you can’t put nothing past these hoes to the perfect way to enjoy Crown Royal (in keeping with the shambled state of my life, I prefer mine straight from the bottle, he’s fancy and prefers his on the rocks). So in light of one of our more recent conversations, I would like to present to you “The Case for the Petite Poke”:

Now, it may be abundantly clear that I am a girl. I’m sure BFF was a dead giveaway and, if it wasn’t, please exit this blog IMMEDIATELY and don’t return until you’ve submitted to me a 2 pg single-spaced paper on why grown men shouldn’t abuse common acronyms. More on that later. Now, what is less obvious is that I am a proud member of Team Petite Poke. Who is Team Petite Poke you ask??? What IS a petite poke???

Petite poke (noun): the less noticeable but still protruding backside of a slim woman. See also “Happy Medium”

In an age when most men want a girl who’s thicker than a snicker and DTF, the slim chicks sometimes seem to be in the shadow of their more well-endowed counterparts. If popular rap music and “urban” men’s magazines are any indication of how men feel, surely it is the age of the booty-ful. Now I know all your favorite rappers are constantly saluting the girls with asses that “coulda won the horse awards”, but have you ever really thought about what that means? I mean REALLY thought about it. Yea that ass is great now, but no one is immune to the effects of time. All it takes is one kid, a bad month, or one second helping too many and she goes from HAVING a fatty to BEING a fatty. Sad, but true. Also, big booties require work. Squats, lunges, wall-balls (I HATE wall balls!!) and all kinds of other torture that require girls to sweat their hair out and you KNOW how we feel about that…

Now, your petite poke, on the other hand, still maintains a respectable ATWR (ass-to-waist ratio) but is just smaller than your certified thick girl. This girl has the shape and size that allows room for a minor bout with depression or a brief “I eat my feelings” phase without crossing the line. All the onion shape with none of the tears from it over-inflating; it’s a win-win! Plus, girls who have petite pokes tend to be in shape, namely, not round. We also tend to be ex dancers, volleyball players, track runners, etc. That means we’re athletic and more inclined to keep ourselves in shape over time. This also usually means she’s limber and without all that ass in the way…well...yea.

While I’ve never actually heard a dude say it, I have to wonder if it ever gets to a point where it’s just too much ass. Like, what do you do with that much ass anyway? Is there a “fat asses get in free before 11” night at the club? Can you really set drink on it? Or bounce quarters off of it? Do you get to write it off as a dependent on your taxes (it’s a recession; you gotta think about these things!)? In all seriousness, with age and kids and stress and all those other unfortunate facts of life, it’s bound to add a few pounds to anybody; you might as well start with the girl whose waistline and backside has room to grow with your relationship…unless you’re just trying to smash, then I guess all bets are off.

Anyway, it’s quite possible that the sleep and/or Crown deprivation has gotten to me and I’m talking out of my ass, so feel free to disabuse me of any incorrect statements or assumptions. Otherwise, let it marinate and choose wisely; it’s the children who suffer.